Biblical Skepticism & Growing In Faith

I'm excited to continue an in-depth study of the Book of James, but as I began that planned post another one took precedence. In writing my introduction, I like to note the author of the book and provide backstory on them, so you understand the person behind the testimony / wisdom you're receiving.

If you're like me, you probably grew up thinking every book in the Bible was written by God. We're told it's God's Word and it is. But it's important to understand, it's God's Word transcribed for us through prophets, disciples, and others who had direct experiences with God or the Holy Spirit. Yes, God's exact words are included in the text as well as Jesus' but God did not carve the Bible we know today into stone. That very fact is what leads to a lot of biblical skepticism, yet it's important to note as you study the Bible.

James, Jesus's half brother (yes, Joseph and Mary had other children), did not accept the claims of Christ until after the Resurrection. However, he eventually became a respected leader in the early churches. In providing this backstory on James, I realized the importance of speaking on biblical skepticism and my own journey with it as I've grown my faith.

Many people struggle with skepticism, like James, when it comes to the claims of the Bible. Because it was written by man, translated so many times, and some books were purposefully left out of Biblical cannon, it's easy for doubt to creep in, especially when we don't really want the truth.

Before truly getting to know God, I doubted the relevance of the Bible. I didn't want to believe in a God who seemed like someone who set me up to fail. I preferred to remain ignorant of the Bible's teachings, because I didn't want to feel guiltier than I already did for falling short. That's a glimpse into my early religious experiences. My experience was very legalistic and rule-based. Being human wasn't allowed. Grace wasn't offered. The expectations were high and I was never good enough. That feeling of never being good enough is what drove me from the church and the Bible.

I still believed in God. I still prayed to Him during times of hardship and heartache. But I didn't trust God to lead my life. I imagined Him as someone following me, not someone I'm supposed to follow. I didn't know Him. I didn't have a relationship with Him. I didn't love Him or feel His love for me. I didn't consult Him on my life choices or relationships. And I didn't read His Word, which is the first step to truly building the relationship He seeks with us.

So, how did I overcome doubt and skepticism? Why do I accept the Bible as His Word/ Truth now?

For me, my study of the Bible began with curiosity and discipline. I wanted to know what the Bible truly said so that no one could use it against me. I wanted to study it and decipher the truth for myself.

For one year, I made a point to read my Bible every Sunday. As someone who is a slow reader, loves to take notes, and truly reflect on the Word to find meaning, this form of isolated study was exactly what I needed.

During that year, so much happened. I started to desire more: more knowledge, more understanding, more prayer time, more encounters with God, and eventually, I desired to find my church home, which catapulted my spiritual growth. What started as my discipline, my choice, God took and multiplied.

The encounters I had with God during my year-long study kept me going. I remember having a revelation about God in bed one night. It wasn't something I'd read in the Bible, but was based off my understanding of Him, which had been building.

The revelation was that God is neither man nor woman. He is not Father or Mother. He embodies all characterists of humanity / the qualities of both genders.

As a woman, I'd always struggled with what it meant to be created in God's image. Obviously, the Bible uses male pronouns in reference to God. But God is not one thing. He is not limited. He is all-encompassing. He is I AM. While this may seem obvious or like an elementary revelation, it was huge for me!

That night, a vision popped into my head confirming my revelation and I just started crying. I knew in my heart it was true. Not only did the truth make me weep, but the confirmation from God made me weep. It showed me He was right there with me, happy to reveal Himself to me the more I sought Him.

The very next time that I read my Bible, there was a passage in the scripture that confirmed the exact revelation I had. And while male pronouns are used for God and we call Him Father, there are also female metaphors used to describe Him and Jesus as well.

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you." Isaiah 66:13

"How often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings..." Matthew 23:37 (Jesus speaking)

There's more if you're interested in researching this idea.

Ultimately, once you feel His confirmation, His presence, you can't help but recognize His Word as truth. It is a heart posture of faith in the unseen. And I understand the struggle to get there. But it is possible. Even the harshest skeptics can have their heart changed by the Lord if they seek Him. Look at James.

From a writer's standpoint, I also know that the Bible is far too detailed to be fictional. That may sound weird, but have you read Leviticus and Numbers? If it were fiction, there's a lot that could be cut and it would read so much better. The way it's written, you can tell it's an account, a historical account of events. So, for my logic lovers out there, that's for you.

Now, do I think the Bible is all of God's Word / a complete account of the historical events surrounding God's interactions with humans and the supernatural events of the time the Bible was written? No. Plainly, no. I'm prioritizing the study of the Bible first, because I believe it is the core Christian text to study. However, there are other texts I'm interested in studying, like the Book of Enoch. And the nerd in me would love to see the Vatican archives.

Why do I think certain texts were left out of Biblical cannon, like the Book of Enoch? Honestly, there are probably several reasons. I think the biggest is some texts are beyond us. Our spiritual maturity grows the more we study, the more we seek. Some revelations are too great, too complex to be preached openly in a congregation that may range from children to elders. And even some adults will never have the heart and mind nor the curiosity to seek beyond the Bible and that is 100% okay.

The Bible encompasses the key texts needed to understand the prophecy of Jesus and the fulfillment of said prophecy. It is enough to study the Bible. But for those who are interested in seeking more, I do believe there is more to find. I personally have a copy of the complete Apocrypha and I was interested in reading Enoch after finishing Genesis, because Enoch is mentioned in Genesis. But a feeling came over me and I felt like God was telling me, "You aren't ready yet." So, it's still on the shelf and is waiting for me when I am.

My personal recommendation for growing your faith is to start with the Bible and let God guide you to the truth.

Don't let the exclusion of certain texts or the fact that the Bible was transcribed by man and translated from another language stop you from reading it. And know that there are some truths we will never uncover on earth. What we're meant to know, God will reveal at the right time. That in and of itself is another reason why I believe the Bible is God's Word. It's been thousands of years and it has stood the test of time. It hasn't been lost. It hasn't been discredited. There are skeptics, sure. But God's Word is eternal.

When you experience God and grow in relationship with Him, He leads you to what is right, what is true. If the Bible weren't it, we'd know.

Do I agree with everything in the Bible? No. But there's a difference between agreeing and believing. For example, I do not agree that a woman on her period is unclean. It's natural. It's human. But that was also mentioned during the time of the Old Testament. It was a different culture, a different law, a different covenant. Christ is the New Covenant. He makes us all clean. He is the ultimate sacrifice.

More than anything, the biggest change in my heart and therefore, acceptance of God's Word and God's love, came from realizing--through pain and heartache--that His way is better.

There are things we struggle with as humans--spiritual attacks--that we cannot overcome by our strength. We require the Holy Spirit to break the invisible chains we don't even realize we're wearing. We require the Holy Spirit to refine us and empower us to defeat sin. We cannot do it alone.

As the Holy Spirit entered my life, my eyes were opened to the bondage that was holding me captive. There were things about me that the Devil had attacked and perverted from a young age. He got me when I was vulnerable, when I didn't have a relationship with the Lord, when I didn't know His Word, when I didn't know how to put on the Armor of God and stand against him. I was a lamb to the slaughter. And he held me with invisible chains for years.

When my eyes were finally opened, I was heartbroken. The closest thing to describe it is, I felt like I had been raped both in a physical and emotional sense. And I didn't even realize it was happening until it was already over.

I looked back at my past with new eyes and I saw how the Devil had used me, my body, and my sexuality for his pleasure, his fun. And as I cried, I realized God had been crying for me, breaking for me all this time, because unlike me, he knew what the Devil was doing. He saw the bondage, the perversion, the darkness seeping into me. And He had to sit there and watch, not because He wasn't powerful enough to stop it, but because I chose the darkness. I chose sin. I chose ignorance. I chose everything over Him and I didn't even realize what I was doing and what it was doing to me.

That's why Jesus died for us. That's why, as He is suffering on the cross, He asks God to forgive us. He says, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34

We do not know the powers that work against us, but they're there. Or should I say, here? We do not know the curse of worldliness until it's finally broken, but we can't break it by ourselves. Spiritual battles must be fought by the Spirit, His Spirit.

Since surrendering my life and my body to the Holy Spirit, I have finally felt God's love for me. Not because He didn't love me before, but because I couldn't feel Him before. My heart was closed. My mind was burdened with skepticism and doubt. I was walking in my own power, which just meant I was powerless against the one true enemy. But now, I know His love, the peace in surrender, the power of His Spirit, and I feel the call to share His Word/ Truth and my personal story. I share, not to convict but to help.

I pray that whoever reads this has their own encounter with God and invites the Holy Spirit into their heart. I pray your eyes are opened and you feel the invisible chains break. I pray you feel the peace that surpasses all understanding, the peace that only God can provide.

As you study the Bible, it's important to have an open heart. It's important to have faith. But if you're still struggling, don't see it as a reason to delay. See it as a reason to dive in, because when you seek Him, He won't ignore you.

The moment I surrendered to Him, He wasted no time coming to save me. He wasted no time breaking those chains. He wasn't uncertain, slow, or angry at me for all my years spent in sin. He was ready and overjoyed that His child had finally come home. And now, I seek Him daily because the thing I fear most is going back to the bondage of sin. The world may seem like a fun friend, but it's all a mirage.

God's way is better. His Word is our guide and His Spirit is our strength.

I wish I didn't have to learn things the hard way. I wish I was someone with a boring testimony, especially considering I've lived a lowkey life. I speak on how the Devil perverted my sexuality, but I was never the hook-up, party girl. I grew up sheltered with traditional values that stuck with me even when I didn't have a strong relationship with God. My sin (my performance) was done in private. And that almost makes it hurt worse. When I say I chose, I was the responsible party. But I also know there's a reason why the Devil attacked me so young.

There's a reason why he put roadblocks between me and God, why he made feel unloved and fearful of being alone forever. When I tell you I was a little girl, probably ten or younger, imagining how I would redecorate my parent's home after they died because I wouldn't be married; I'd be living there, I'm not lying. When I tell you I was the little girl who asked my grandma if it's okay for a girl to ask a boy to marry her, because I felt destined to be overlooked and needed to take matters into my own hands, I'm not lying. While these may seem like relatable thoughts for a 20+ year old woman who longs for love, I was a literal child. Not a teen or even a pre-teen, a child.

I longed for love so much it led to quick compromise once I got into college. And that led to the dark habit and desperation for love that held me captive for years. While that is another post in itself, the point is: the Devil has been after me all my life. I see it now. And it was confirmed the morning after I truly surrendered to the Holy Spirit.

I'd been in a process of surrender for probably a week, but it was solidified that day at church when I had the ladies pray for me that I would remain strong in my surrender. I was fearful of falling into sin. I was fearful of being separated from God again.

This public, powerful moment of surrender was met with a test from Satan himself and this time, I was ready. I won't describe what happened, but it happened. And while it was my voice speaking, casting out the evil presence, it wasn't me. It was the Holy Spirit inside me that said, "I am a child of God. This is the dwelling of the Holy Spirit. You are not welcome here." Said with authority and power that is beyond me, it vanished and like a light switch, I woke up.

You can call it a bad dream if you want, but I know the truth. And knowing the truth, seeing the bondage, seeing the way the Devil plays with us--played with me--is what has me clinging to God. And now, I'm stepping into the very reason why the Devil sought to silence me, distract me, and hold me in shame. All he did was set me up for the purpose God had all along. So, here we go. As my pastor says, "Let's get into it."