Farewell to 30: A Reflection on the Year I Became My Father's Daughter

If you can't tell by now, I like to write and reflect. I can remember last March, as I turned thirty, journaling my intentions not just for the year, but for the decade. After a chaotic, heartbreaking decade of lost years, I wanted thirty to be a fresh start for me, and today, I want to reflect on how it was just that.

March 9th, 2025: The sentiment that keeps echoing through my mind is, "It's already done. You're just walking into it."

I wrote in my journal that God had already made a place for me and a way for me. There was nothing for me to fear. All I had to do was answer the calling, and respond to the nudge in my soul. I wrote this as I prepared to take my first solo trip. I'd been filled with anxiety for weeks, but I knew that this trip would be good for me. I knew that it was time for me to overcome my fear and anxiety in order to receive good things. This is a truth I've held close throughout the year.

Good things are on the other side of fear and anxiety.

I began my thirties with the mentality that it was time for me to step out of my comfort zone. I wrote, "Tomorrow is a beginning. I'm walking into a new life, a new mindset. Tomorrow could lay the first of a foundation for a life that may be built over many years--even a decade. "It's already done." There's no use worrying about it, fighting against it or fighting myself. Whatever happens, it's going to be okay."

When I tell you that my thirtieth year of life has been the most transformative year, I am not exaggerating. I spent the first week of my thirties in Fort Walton Beach, Florida--the place I feel most connected to my dad and the happiest memories from my childhood. This place, this trip, felt like a bridge between my past and my present. It was a time for me to feel connected to the girl I once was before stepping fully into the woman God had called me to be.

I journaled every morning on my balcony while enjoying the morning sun and the sounds of crashing waves. I focused on daily gratitude, the lessons of my twenties, restoring my self-worth. I contemplated what God had in store for me--marriage, kids, career shifts. And what unfolded over the following 365 days continued to lay the foundation for the life I've always dreamed of, the foundation that began with that first step of choosing something good even when it scared me.

Every pivotal moment in my life has begun with a single step, a single moment of overcoming fear or complacency.

I didn't enter this year with a plan, but with an intention. To be honest, I think I forgot what that intention even was as the days passed. But it embedded itself in my soul, so that now when I look back at the choices I made over this year, I can see I was living in the intention to answer the call, follow the nudge, and overcome fear.

Thirty was the year that I began solo-traveling, that my relationship with God reached a new level, that I found my church home, that I finally learned to trust and surrender my life to God, that I decided to repent from my secret sin and pursue purity, that I reinstated holy boundaries in dating, that I relinquished my pen to God and let Him write through me, that I began serving at church, that I found community, that I discovered a love outside of romantic relationship, that I found more peace in my singleness, that I finally learned to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, that I finally recognized the spiritual attacks on my life, that God revealed His heart to me, that I learned to love God and myself. It was the year I was re-baptized. It was the year I became a better friend and sister, a better woman overall. It was the year I became an aunt to the most perfect angel to ever live. It was the year my heart was opened to a love I never knew myself capable of. It was the year I became my Father's daughter.

Thirty laid the foundation for a life filled with friendship, fellowship, service, community, Christ, love, peace, happiness, and fulfillment. I give all the credit to God. He was the one who nudged me in the right direction, who placed specific callings on my heart, and had softened my heart in the year prior to be receptive to His voice. He was the one who orchestrated meetings that led me closer to Him and others who've become an important part of my transformation. He was the one who led me to my church home and has given me this community and opportunity to serve that is so rewarding. He did it all.

"It's already done. You're just walking into it."

I'm excited to see what else the Lord is leading me to. When I look back and see the changes that've occurred in my life over the past year, three-and-a-half years, seven years...I know that time does not limit transformation. I expect great things to happen before the end of this year, before I turn thirty-two. But for now, I'd like to set an intention for thirty-one.

Lord, I ask that you continue working in me this year. Continue drawing me closer to you, equipping me to embody your Spirit and to love and help others. Continue leading me to abundance, Lord, because I know you want good things for me. I will continue to choose good things over fear, and I will continue to be a good thing and do good things for others. Equip me to be a good thing.

March 28, 2025: Something I'm learning is the importance of the temporary, the fleeting. Perhaps this is most easily depicted in my trip to Florida. It was temporary and that made me cherish it more. It was beautiful and for a moment, it was perfect. Life will be filled with fleeting, beautiful moments: relationships, trips, unique experiences. They will make up the tapestry of my life. Maybe that's the shift I've been needing. I've always wanted a forever. But maybe I'm meant to live many lives like the characters I write? Maybe I'm supposed to accept, like April, in the book I'm writing, that temporary can be beautiful. And it's better to be known than never discovered. I just hope, like her, I will one day meet the man who is willing to give me the rest of his days.

I'm writing this as I enter my final week as a thirty-year-old, and I still desire a forever. My heart still longs for marriage and for a family of my own. I think the longing is greater than it's ever been, because God has shown me that I don't have to be afraid of love when He has taught both people how to love. I don't have to be afraid of a marriage that God ordains. But for the first time in my life, I'm resting in God's love. I understand that no man can love me like Him. No man can be my Savior. No man can be my peace. No man can give me what God gives me. This is a freeing feeling.

Thirty was the year I let go of the idol of romantic love and learned to rest in God's love.

I'm also learning how to find beauty in the temporary, because we ourselves are temporary. There will come a day when each of us passes away and the world will forget our names. So I value each moment. I value each friendship, each moment of romance, each moment of depth, each chance I get to meet a new soul and hear their story. I value each second with my nephew, whose life appears more fleeting than most.

Thirty was the year my hope in God and the abundant life He promises was restored, but it was not without heartbreak. My life has revealed a pattern of hope and heartbreak coinciding.

Seven-and-a-half years ago, my dad passed and I got married to the man I thought would love me forever. My wedding dress actually arrived on the very day of my dad's passing. Three-and-a-half years ago, I was physically at rock-bottom, but I made a choice that began a journey of reclaiming my body, my health, and becoming better than ever before. Two years ago, a relationship I thought would last brought me to the one ever-lasting relationship, and I began my journey through God's word. This year, I received the greatest blessings of my life--a restored relationship with God and the gift of being an aunt.

When my nephew was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive, stage 4 cancer at only six months old, everything threatened to unravel. But God has equipped me with endurance. And I know that no matter what tragedy I face this year--at thirty-one--a blessing will swiftly follow, because God is a good Father who binds up our wounds and heals our broken hearts.

Even in the face of your greatest heartbreak, there are still good things to come.

That statement actually makes me want to share one final memory from my thirtieth year. It was New Year's Eve and, because it was on a Wedneday, there was a service at my church. I don't normally attend in person on Wednesday nights, but this night I decided to, because I needed to. I needed to get out of my house and be surrounded by God's presence. I needed to be filled with the peace of the Holy Spirit in the wake of my nephew's diagnosis.

That night, when I walked in, I spotted a friend--the same friend who God used to inspire me to attend Word of God in the first place. I was so thankful to see him, to not have to be alone given all the emotions I was having. That night, the pastor said: "Look to your neighbor and tell them life is about to get good for you." Given everything that was going on and still is, I needed to hear that. I needed to claim it, and I do.

2026, I proclaim, life is about to get good.