Sneak Peek: The Last Christmas List

The idea for The Last Christmas List is inspired by my life currently. About a month before Christmas, my family was thrown a curve-ball like no other. While it may seem morbid, I was faced with the question: If you only have one Christmas, how would you spend it? Me being me, I thought, well I'd do everything under the sun. I'd make a lifetime of Christmas memories with the time I was given. And while that isn't possible in real life, it's a concept I wanted to explore in fiction.

This story carries so much meaning. Sentiments like "the greatest present is presence" ground this novel emotionally while our lead characters, Jax and Lily's, banter-filled, frenemies with history dynamic takes the forefront.

This was not a story I planned to write nor did I expect to love it so much that I feel it deserves it's own Amazon release. But here we are. Lily and Jax's story bloomed from real-life heartache but is on-page Christmas magic for those who love a heartfelt, emotionally-resonant, fun yet tender holiday romance.

Coming soon to Amazon, here is a first-look/ sneak peek at The Last Christmas List by yours truly.

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Part 1—A Christmas Collision

Lily

Christmas music and the steady melody of shoes ticking against the linoleum of Concourse C fades into the background as the last call for Flight 1229 to New Orleans echoes overhead. I ignore the sweat beading on my back—and my desperate need to pee—and sprint toward my gate. I’ve never missed a flight in my life and like hell am I starting today. Over a snow storm no less? As a Louisiana-girl turned New Yorker, snow is overrated. You won’t change my mind. But my desperation to make this flight has nothing to do with my perfect track record or the fact that’s it’s the week of Christmas.

I haven’t seen my mom in months—only twice this entire year. While those were short visits, just forty-eight hours each, I managed to secure an entire week off work to spend Christmas with my family in Serendipity, Louisiana. And given the circumstances, I want every minute with her I can get. It only cost me a month of overtime, an extra five-hundred dollars in airfare to get the best flights, and every shred of self-control I have knowing he’ll be there.

Shoving thoughts of Jaxon Clarke from my overstimulated, over-worked mind, I dodge the massive man in front of me in a last-ditch effort to reach my gate. My carry-on flies behind me. I’ll be surprised if the wheels are still attached when I board. But as my eyes dart between the screen hanging above the gate and the closed boarding door, my tired feet come to a sudden stop.

“No,” I sigh breathlessly. I feel as deflated as I did the night Jax rejected me and every Christmas after that he made it a point to parade his girlfriend of the month in front of me in my own home. That is, until I stopped showing up altogether. And yet, unlike then, run is the last thing I want to do.

Sucking in air, my shoulders tense and— “Ah!” As a sudden force knocks me from behind, I lose my balance, trip over my carry-on, which takes off rolling down the ATL concourse, and land—in the most ungraceful, utterly contorted way—on the disgusting, germ-laden airport floor. As I groan in pain, the Grinch-like sentiment that’s hardened my heart for more holidays than I care to count slips through my lips. “I hate Christmas.”

“Still?” That one word in that eerily familiar voice makes me wish the fall left me unconscious. Opening my eyes, I find my ears do not betray me.

Hovering over me, dressed in denim and a black trench coat is the massive man always standing in my way—Jaxon Clarke. His large frame blocks the lights overhead, leaving me in darkness like he always does. His ensemble accompanied by his black hair, beard, and the tattoos crawling on his hands and neck make him look like the haunting that he is. He looks different—older, more intimidating and tragic. But his eyes are the same—a kind of icy blue I used to find beautiful. Now, they only remind me of his cold heart. And his childish smirk and outstretched hand remind me nothing has changed between us.

He’s still my brother’s best friend, the one I practically grew up with, the one I couldn’t help but fall in love with. Once my playful bully, everything changed when my dad died. No stranger to loss, Jax was there for me when my fourteen-year-old heart shattered. Fuck me for thinking he’d be the one to put it back together. Fuck me for thinking he actually cared. I won’t make that mistake again nor will I let him ruin another Christmas, the last Christmas.

Rolling my eyes at his outstretched hand, I push myself up despite the pain in my wrist and my throbbing knee. Jax straightens, towering over me by several feet. Shit, I don’t like this. He makes me feel small. He makes me feel vulnerable.

Being in his presence reminds me of that night in the shed, the night I made the biggest mistake of my life and kissed him, the night he ripped my shattered heart from my chest and disappeared into the darkness. The memories make me flinch. “No,” I say, pushing through them. “I just hate you.”

Cocking my brow, I rest my hand on my hip. Jax looks me up and down in a way that makes my stomach flip and my breath hitch. I’m suddenly aware my sweat isn’t isolated to my back. I feel it beading on my chest beneath my far too warm winter clothes.

As Jax’s icy eyes find mine once more, his gaze is gentler than I expected. That look resurfaces another memory—one that was once comforting. But his actions rewrote the story I believed we were living.

“I missed you too, Lily Andrews,” he says then. Without another word, Jax brushes past me and I turn sharply to watch him. My brows furrow and my fists ball. Is that it? Where the hell does he think he’s going? Words of fury bubble in my chest, but I suppress them given he’s the last person I want to see. But as he collects my carry-on and returns to me wearing the smirk that makes me itch, I realize I’m not so lucky.

I knew Jax would be at Christmas, as in Christmas Day. Maybe even Christmas Eve. But I had no idea he was arriving the very same day I am. I guess that slipped my brother’s mind when he was informing me of how ridiculous my perfect family Christmas list sounds.

Jax offers me my carry-on. I snatch it from him in an effort to avoid physical contact. No such luck. Our fingers brush. A week with Jaxon Clarke. A whole blessed week.

Part 1—Jax

Lily Andrews—the one that hasn’t left my mind nor heart since the moment we kissed. Something about being in her presence—for the first time in seven years—makes me feel like nothing has changed between us. There’s a familiarity in her enchanting yet cut-throat amber gaze. There’s a certain disdain in the curl of her lip and furrow of her dark brows that makes me feel warm. It excites me and ignites me. My Lily. She still hates me, but hate is better than disregard.

Lily sighs as she leans against the gate desk. She asks about the next flight out to New Orleans and shrieks when the agent tells her it’ll be another six hours. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” She lifts her eyes to the ceiling, extending her neck. I let my eyes drip down her pale skin and inhale her sweet scent as it drifts between us.

The truth is everything changed that night. There’s always been a playful tension between us, but the energy that’s lingered ever since she kissed me is laced with something sticky. Hatred and hurt create a new kind of tension between us. But those aren’t the only two ingredients in our Christmas cocktail. There has always been something more, even if she’s always been…off limits.

Lily turns to me then. “This is all your fault!” She jabs my chest. Okay, ow! Seems living in New York has toughened her up. That’s good to know. She’ll have a higher tolerance for Christmas chaos that’ll make this week even more fun.

“My fault?” I feign offense.

“Yes, you were in my way. Had you not been walking at a snail’s pace, taking up at least two lanes of pedestrian traffic, I could’ve seen they were about to close the gate and yelled at them to stop.”

I nod, squinting my brows as if her screech would’ve actually stopped them. Her cheeks flush and her neck reddens the more riled up she gets. It’s the cutest thing. I wonder how red I can make her? Red enough to match that Christmas dress she wore the last time I saw her? Yeah, that thing was devilish.

“So, what you’re saying is you’ve noticed my muscles?” I lift my arms and flex. The trench coat hides the hard-earned indentations in my arms, but she gets the point, which is I don’t hear a word she’s said. I don’t pay attention. Oh, but I do, Lily. I always have.

“Ugh!” Lily groans slash squeals. “You are impossible. What are you even doing here? Christmas isn’t for another few days. Shouldn’t you be bundled up in Boston tattooing some random guy’s name on a woman’s breasts?”

Her eyes narrow into slits as she speaks, but her cheeks are already two shades redder. I wonder if it’s due to her anger or something else?

“So, you’ve been keeping tabs on me?” I shove my hands in my pockets, unable to keep the grin off my face. “And here I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I don’t.” Lily’s voice raises three octaves as she speaks. Yeah, I don’t believe her. The question is why? After what I did… I deserve her disdain. I deserve her hatred. I deserve every hit her tiny body can wield. And for the past seven years, I’ve felt them in her absence.

Every Christmas she didn’t visit felt like a lash across my heart. I thought I’d finally done it—ruined everything. All those years ago, there were many reasons why I walked away from her. One of the biggest ones was my fear of losing the only family I had left.

After my mom died and my dad was arrested on unrelated offenses, the Andrews took me in. Their home was my home. Luke and Lily’s parents were my parents. But Lily was never my little sister and that night—that kiss—reminded me of it. Her lips on mine reminded me of everything I’d been suppressing, everything I couldn’t have, everything I stood to lose. I didn’t want to lose my family or my best friend. Instead, I lost her.

At first, it wasn’t obvious. But once she turned eighteen and went to college in New York City, she never came back. That’s when I knew. She was gone and it was all because of me. And I’ve questioned if my choice to reject her was worth it ever since.

“Ma’am.” Lily fumes in silence, her eyes not leaving mine, as the gate agent tries to get her attention. “Ma’am.” She bites her lip in a way that makes me think she wishes she could take it all back. She balls her fists so intensely, her knuckles turn white. I wouldn’t be surprised if her nails leave imprints on her palms the way they used to.

Seeing her like this softens the part of me that’s always loved antagonizing her. Her fierce gaze melts my hard exterior. She’s always had that gift. Her brother, Luke, is my best friend but even he doesn’t get to my core the way she does. She sees straight through me and yet, she’s never seen how much I love her—how much it hurt me to hurt her, how much I wish I could take it all back and give her the love she’s always deserved but wasn’t ready for at fourteen.

“Ma’am!” Lily jumps as the trance we’re both held in breaks. We both turn to the gate agent and find her equally as exhausted with us as we are with each other.

“Yes, sorry,” Lily says, her voice quiet.

The attendant rolls her eyes and returns her gaze to her computer. “I can get you both on the next flight to Baton Rouge, if that works for you. Boarding begins in five minutes.”

“Oh, we’re not together.” She points toward me with confusion etched in her brow.

“Ugh, yes we are. I was supposed to be on that flight too.” I direct my attention to the desk attendant. She nods and clicks away on her computer. Lily turns to face me. I bite the inside of my cheek in anticipation of her next verbal blow.

“Well, you can wait and fly direct. Six hours isn’t that long. For you.”

I lean forward, encroaching on her personal space. “And let you drive from Baton Rouge to Serendipity by yourself? First, no. And second, are you forgetting you hate driving? It’s half the reason you moved to New York.” Lily rolls her eyes, but I sense the defeat, or rather submission, in her features. Turning back to the attendant, I say, “We’ll take it. Thank you.”

“As long as we’re not sitting next to each other,” Lily pipes up then. The attendant lifts her eyes over the edge of her computer while a nearby machine prints out our new boarding passes. Lily sighs. “We’re sitting next to each other, aren’t we?” The lady smiles and hands her her ticket. Lily groans and attempts to shake the tension from her shoulders. Turning to me she says, “Fine. I’m going to pee. When I get back, we’ll discuss our ground rules. You are not ruining this Christmas, Jaxon Clarke or this flight. The last thing a girl with a fear of driving needs is to be on the no-fly list.”

I smirk as she trots away, leaving her carry-on with me. “I guess I’ll just take this then? And shouldn’t we call them flight rules?” Lily turns to give me one last eye roll and then continues on to the bathroom.

I shake my head and can’t help but laugh and admire the way she walks away. “Lily Andrews,” I say under my breath. She’s no longer the little girl I used to tease. She’s the twenty-five-year-old woman I can finally play with. But…she’s still off-limits. Isn’t she?

Turning back to the flight attendant, she hands me my boarding pass and offers me a different, unexpected Christmas gift. “My gift to you, sir, are words of wisdom. Take an Advil and get a therapist.” Her eyes motion in the direction Lily disappeared.

“Ha! I appreciate it, but she’s the only medicine I need. Merry Christmas. And thank you, again!”

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Now available to read on Amazon / enrolled in Kindle Unlimited.