The Divine Return: God Still Loves You

Emily Myers
Oct 30
19 min read

A few months ago, while I was still writing my latest fiction book, an idea for a podcast came to me. I would call it The Divine Return and through it, I would share my journey of coming home to God. Finding the technical aspects of a podcast difficult, The Divine Return turned into a book, a book I attempted to start writing a few days ago. What I've found is that it's incredibly hard for me to look back.

It's hard for me to reflect on my childhood and early religious experiences. It's hard for me to remember entering college woefully unprepared and disconnected from God. It's hard for me to relive all the times the devil played with me, lied to me, convinced me to give in to sin, or worse, perverted my God-given desires and used my prayers to manipulate, confuse, and control me.

I want to share my story. I want to retrace the spiritual warfare that's been on my life since I was a little girl. I want to expose it to you and all the ways the devil hurt me--all the lies he sold me--so that you don't become his next victim. And if you are struggling in the same ways I did, I want to share so that you know there is a way out. There is healing and hope through seeking and surrendering to the Lord, our Father who art in Heaven. But I have to do it in a way that doesn't hurt me in the process.

Through this multi-part blog series, The Divine Return, I'm going to address three major areas from my return to God. The first: the lies the devil uses to keep us from seeking God. The second: the difference between religion and relationship with the Lord. The third: how to truly surrender to the Lord and accept the Holy Spirit.

As I gather the courage and feel led by the Spirit, I will share more of my personal story. Key topics I want to speak on are: The Lie That Cost Me My Virginity, The Bondage of Needing to Be Chosen, How A Counterfeit Became My Husband, Marriage vs. Divine Union, The Single Season, Restless In The Waiting, and messages from The Surrender Season. But for now, I want to inspire you to embark on your own divine return to God by simply letting you know it's possible.

You are not too broken or lost. You haven't messed up too bad. He still wants you. He still loves you.

So, without hesitation, let's get into it.

Lie #1: It's my fault.

Scripture makes it clear that while we are responsible for our choices, the devil is the source of temptation and deception. Temptation is not a sin. It's a tactic used by the enemy to draw us away from God. Satan even tempted Jesus, because as man, Jesus was not immune to temptation. But as God, He did not give in to sin.

"Then the serpent said to the woman, 'You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Genesis 3:4

The first temptation and deception. The devil uses our lack to tempt us and he twists the truth just enough that it feels right. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, their eyes were opened and in that way, they were more like God. But they also became more like the devil because they now knew evil. As for death, the devil says "you will not surely die," as if to say you won't die instantly. But the wages of sin is death. The devil seeks to deceive us just long enough that we die our earthly death and become his forever.

"He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

These scriptures reveal the number one way the devil tries to steal, kill, and destroy us--lies. He is our enemy, not others and not ourselves. He wants us to feel guilty and ashamed. He wants us to hate ourselves and condemn others. He wants us to believe that our missteps are our fault. That or he wants us so disconnected from God that we don't even feel conviction when we mess up. That's when he's truly got us. But even then, God is hoping for our return, because while the devil is a liar, manipulator, murderer, and all things evil, our God is loving and long-suffering.

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." James 4:8

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

"The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth." Exodus 34:6

"But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them." Nehemiah 9:17

While the devil exposes our human weakness, God created us to be His children, "a kind of firstfruits of His creatures." James 1:18 So, the temptation you face and the sin you give in to, it's not your fault nor is it God's.

"When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone." James 1:13

God is not the author of pain or temptation. He is not the one testing and tempting us. He is the one waiting for us to come home. The devil would bury you in shame. God redeems us in love, because He loves us and he knows it's not your fault either.

Lie #2: I'll just sin again, so what's the point?

This is the one I fell for the most. Growing up, I always heard repentance is the key to forgiveness. God knows your heart and he won't forgive you if you don't plan on changing your ways. This is just one example of how well-intentioned and misrepresentation often go hand-in-hand.

There are so many scriptures to pull when it comes to repentance and forgiveness, but here's the most important thing to know. We are sinners. We will always be sinners. We will always fall short of God's perfect intention for us, His perfect plan and design. Jesus was the only perfect man to ever live and He will remain the only perfect man. The thing is, we aren't expected to be perfect.

If it was possible for us as humans to fulfill the Law of the Lord, we wouldn't need a savior. We wouldn't need the Father, the Son, or the Holy Spirit. Our sin is not a reason to avoid God. It's the very reason He sent His Son, our brother Jesus, to die for us. Sin is the very thing that should draw us closer to God not push us further away, because He is the only one who can wash us clean. And He desires to do just that.

His mercies are new every morning, because our sin is new every morning. While the Holy Spirit empowers us to withstand temptation, even Moses, who was embodied by the Spirit of the Lord, was not a perfect man. Even Moses sinned.

You don't have to be perfect to seek the Lord. You don't have to be perfect to be forgiven. This is what the devil wants us to believe. The very first example of this is Adam and Eve. After their sin, they hid from the Lord in shame. What did God do? He sought them out. God seeks you in your sin while the devil tries to shackle you with it and hold you in shame.

"If we claim to be without sin, we decieve ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:8-9

"Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear--not by Heaven or by earth or by anything else. All you need to say is a simple 'yes' or 'no.'" James 5:12

Scripture tells us not to take a vow in the sense of I will never sin again, because vows hold weight. Vows are taken seriously by both Heaven and Hell, and it's the perfect opening for the devil to slip in and tempt you, again reminding you of the thing you can't have or can never do again. And when you inevitably do it, that's when the devil shackles you in shame. That's when you feel like you can't pray, like you can't ask for forgiveness. Don't lay your own trap by thinking perfection is even a possibility. Recognize your own weakness and know that it's nothing to be ashamed of, but the exact area our God wants to love you and heal you. All you have to do is seek Him and confess.

And trust me, when God opens your eyes to the way the devil has led you into sin, it does change you. When you realize how you were manipulated and how your destruction has been nothing but entertainment for the devil, a fire burns inside you and the only desire you have is to not let him win. Maybe it's just me. But while perfection isn't attainable, when your perception of sin and self changes and you feel God's love for the first time, sin doesn't hold the same power over you.

Lie #3: God set me up to fail.

Oh, this used to be me and this lie made me so angry. In the section above, I mentioned one example of how scripture was misrepresented to me when I was growing up and thus, my perception of the Lord (and self) was distorted. When you only hear selected snippets of His Word without context, mostly from people who are seeking to control you, you don't get the full picture of God or His Word.

I have a very analytical brain. Hearing about the Bible and filtering small sections through an analytical lens, accompanied by my neurodivergence, perfectionism tendencies, and my authoritarian upbringing, I felt like mankind was set up to fail.

I remember thinking, "Well, why did God cast the devil down to earth knowing he'd infect mankind with sin?" "He knew this was going to happen, so why didn't He stop it?" "He wants us to be fully dependent on Him." "He made the rules, therefore, He's the one who set us up to fail." "He's the one who created Heaven and Hell. Why did there even have to be a Hell? Why couldn't we all just live happily ever after?" "If He knew the world needed Jesus, why didn't He send Him sooner?"

As you can see, I've struggled with my relationship with the Lord. The only thing that's helped me is actually studying His Word for myself. As much scripture as I try to include in my posts, it still doesn't compare to reading His Word and experiencing His truth for yourself. So, please read your Bible.

It's very easy to fall for this lie, especially when you struggle with perfectionism and an authoritarian upbringing. You're tired of feeling like a failure, of having to work so hard to feel loved and accepted. Or perhaps your upbringing was more intellectual and you find it hard to comprehend anything that can't be proven or seen. We all have our struggles. The truth lies in scripture and heart posture. Meaning, I'll give you the words, but do you have the heart to believe them?

God created us to have dominion and authority over the earth.

"Then God said, 'Let Us (the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit) make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it." Genesis 1:26-28

"What is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You visit him? For You have made him a little lower than the angels, and You have crowned him with glory and honor. You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet." Psalm 8:4-6

Jesus gives us power and authority over the devil.

"Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7

"In all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created things, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

God's Word changes the narrative that we're set up to fail. His Word reveals that we were always created to rule the earth. This is our dominion, not the devil's. He is the trespasser here. The devil would love nothing more than to make us forget our true place and purpose as mankind. We are God's children. We are His firstfruits. We are his greatest, most precious creation. And through Jesus, our savior, and the Holy Spirit which empowers us, we are not only heirs to the kingdom of Heaven, but we have power over the devil right here and now.

We need only to resist the devil and accept the Holy Spirit into our heart and the devil will flee, because he knows he cannot stand against us. "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

We are not set up to fail. We were created to rule the earth and have relationship with the Lord. The devil tried to displace us with sin, with the original deception. But God has always sought to renew covenant with us. We see that throughout the Old Testament. And when Jesus finally comes, he gives us a new mission--to spread the truth of His Word without fear, because there is freedom from sin, death, the devil, and temptation in the Word of God, in the Son who died for us, and in the Holy Spirit who lives inside us.

Lie #4: I'm too lost to be saved.

Lie #5: I don't need a savior.

The idea of being too lost to be saved and not needing a savior at all are two sides of the same coin. The devil wants to make us think we're beyond saving or that we don't need saving at all, because we haven't done anything wrong. He wants us to think sin isn't real; God isn't real; Hell isn't real. None of it is real.

If you've made it this far in the post, you should know that you are not too lost to be saved. A mantra you can repeat to yourself is, "His mercies are new every morning. God's love for me is everlasting and long-suffering. I am a Child of God, an heir to the kingdom of Heaven, and a Vessel of the Holy Spirit. The devil has no power over me."

If you think you don't need a savior, if you question if any of this is real, you aren't the first and you won't be the last. I urge you to read 1 Kings 18:20-39

This scripture reveals a time when the Israelites were questioning which God to believe in, Yahweh (our God) and the false god Baal. Elijah, the prophet, said to the prophets of Baal, "You call on the name of your gods, and I will call on the name of the Lord; and the God who answers by fire, He is God." 1 Kings 18:24

What plays out is a scene of two altars, one built to the false god and one built for our Lord. Who do you think answers? God, the one true God. While quoting that scripture may not convince you to believe, if you're reading this, my guess is you want to believe in something. You're searching for answers. So, what's the harm in asking God to reveal the truth to you?

Did you know the miracle Jesus performed the most was to heal the blind? Whether figurative or literal, we all experience a period of blindness in our lives prior to being saved. And, even after being saved, we still may not fully understand the weight of our sins, the spiritual battle for souls unfolding, all the hidden revelations waiting for us to discover in His Word, or even the invisible chains the devil still holds us in.

A prayer to heal spiritual blindness:

Lord, the one they call Yahweh, please open my eyes to Your truth. I am struggling with doubt. I don't know what to believe. Maybe there's a part of me that's scared to believe, because I'm afraid of the weight of conviction. I'm afraid of what it means to believe in You, to be a follower of Christ. I'm afraid to change, even if there's a part of me that wants to. But I want to know the truth. If you're real, if you're there, I want to know You. Open my heart to receive Your Word. Allow me to feel Your love. Show me the bondage the devil holds me in and show me the way out. If you're there, please make your presence known in my life, in my heart, and in my mind. I want to know You.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

There are so many more lies the devil uses to disconnect us from God and distort our image of Him and of self.

Lie #6: If God loved me, he would've protected me.

This is hard. We've all been there, including me, including Jesus. During the crucifxation, Jesus experienced more pain than any of us can ever imagine. He bore the weight of all sin, an emotional anguish that would shatter us, while also being stripped, beaten, pierced by nails, and forced to suffer a slow death that lasted hours.

To be honest with you, I've never felt comfortable watching movies like The Passion and I haven't even read all the scripture related to Jesus' crucifixation because my heart can't handle it. One day, I will. But just know, even Jesus experienced pain, heartbreak, physical and emotional torment. He faced public humiliation and felt forsaken by God. Both Matthew and Mark detail Jesus calling out to God as he hung on the cross.

Jesus knew what would happen. Jesus knew God hadn't truly abandoned him, but it felt like it. Whenever we feel abandoned by God, just remember he's still here. He still loves us. And while he is not the author of pain, he will use every ounce of our pain for our good.

"He who did not spare His own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will He not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

Lie #7: God just wants to control me.

I've struggled with this one too. The truth is, God doesn't want to control us. He wants us to choose Him. He presents His way, His design, His intention for us and the devil presents the alternative, which seems like fun and freedom until it isn't.

The Israelites were slaves in Egypt and yet, they longed to return to the comforts of Egypt while struggling in the wilderness. When you look at the Bible through a literary lens, you see that Biblical Egypt represents evil and the bondage Pharaoh held God's people in represents the bondage of sin the devil seeks to hold us all in. They were literal slaves and yet, the obedience, patience, and faithfulness needed to trust in God made them want to return to slavery, to bondage, and ultimately, to sin. Because that's what life without God is--slavery, bondage, and sin.

God's way isn't always easy. It's certaintly not without hardship, but it is better. That's something I had to learn the hard way.

"Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12

Lie #8: God = guilt.

"For judgement is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgement." James 2:13

"Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. He who speaks evil of a brother and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is one Lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy. Who are you to judge another?" James 4:11-12

Christ abolishes the power of sin and is the fulfillment of the Law of the Lord. Christ is the New Covenant between God and man. In the new covenant, guilt has no place.

Lie #9: Believing in God/ Jesus is enough.

This is a lie meant to keep us in lukewarm or stagnant faith. You can read my other post on active faith for a deeper dive into this topic. But the key is to have a growing faith, to deepen our understanding of the Lord, to grow our relationship with Him, to have Him enlighten us to His Word in new ways.

The devil would love for us to stop at simply believing that God exists, because the Book of James tells us, "Even the demons believe--and tremble!" James 2:19

The closer we get to God, the stronger our faith becomes, the more powerful we are against the devil and his demonic forces, the stronger we stand against his temptation, and the more likely we are to help others escape him. Lukewarm or stagnant believers aren't a threat to the devil, but those with growing, active faith who step into their true authority and power in the Holy Spirit are a threat to the kingdom of darkness.

Lie #10: I can't rely on or trust God with my desires.

This is where things get tricky. Sometimes the devil can't stop us from believing in God or even wanting to surrender and rely on Him. But he can make us mistrust God's goodness if we don't know the truth.

For so long, I questioned God's goodness, His desire to give me good things. As a single woman longing for love, battling heartbreak and loneliness and facing confusion with counterfeits, I spent years not trusting God with my love life. I believed in Him. I sought Him for other things, but not this. No, I couldn't trust Him with this. Then, when I finally did try to surrender to Him, because I realized I couldn't trust myself, it didn't go as planned.

The devil used my prayers for my husband, my ignorance of God, and my desires against me. I'd surrendered everything to God, even the thing I wanted most, but I still got hurt. If you don't have the truth to rely on, the devil can manipulate you even in your surrender. And he loves to, because he wants to make God seem like he isn't trustworthy.

I am going to write an entire post, perhaps several, dedicated to my experiences with counterfeits, my doubt and hopelessness in the single season, and how I finally learned to recognize God's voice, but for now, I will share this scripture to encourage you.

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in Heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11

"Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." James 1:16-17

People often say, God doesn't promise you a husband in an attempt to force women to let go of hope for love. This misuse of the Bible causes so much separation between women and God, because if you long for love, you know the thought of spending your life alone, of never experiencing true love, is heartbreaking, hopeless, and in my case, makes you question what's the point of living?

This is just one way that the Bible is misused to breed hopelessness. But while the Bible doesn't say you are promised a husband, we know from God's original plan for humanity that he values relationship and has designed us in both spirit and physical form for companionship. God's intention is not for us to endure this life alone. And in that truth, I found hope and the strength to finally surrender every aspect of my life to Him.

You can trust God with your desires. You absolutely can.

Lie #11: The Bible isn't relevant or reliable.

Lie #12: Free will means I can do whatever I want without consequence.

Lie #13: There's freedom in sin.

Lie #14: I'm human. I'm innately flawed and dirty.

Lie #15: I will never break free.

Lie #16: This season will last forever. There is no hope to find.

Lie #17: God doesn't love me anymore. Maybe he never did?

By now, you're probably recognizing that the devil is a liar, liar not a denier. The devil knows God. He knows His Word. And he knows us. He knows how to manipulate us by bending the truth. He knows how to control us with comfort and pleasure. He also knows how to control us with fear and by creating mistrust in the Lord and His Word.

While I could pull scripture and oppose every single one of the lies listed above, take my word and the Lord's that...

The Bible is God's Word. It is the truth. By reading His Word your eyes will be opened to the spiritual warfare surrounding you, the love God has for you, and the power and authority offered to you through the sacrifice of and surrender to Jesus Christ.

Free will doesn't mean there are no consequences. Free will means you're free to choose, but you will live with the consequences of your choices. If you choose Jesus, you are made new. You have power over the grave and are promised not only life eternal with the Father in Heaven, but freedom from sin in this lifetime. The devil only holds as much power over you as you allow him. This is your kingdom, as a Child of God, not his.

Sin is bondage. The scary thing is, we don't realize it either because we don't believe what we're doing is sin or because we choose to remain ignorant of what sin even is. For many years, I chose to remain ignorant of God's Word because I didn't want to feel worse about myself. But that was the devil's distortion.

The Bible isn't here to make us feel worse about ourselves. It's here to set us free. That's why I began this post by combating the lie, it's your fault. It's not your fault. Nor is it within your power to defeat sin. But, with the Holy Spirit, you are more than a conqueror in all things.

You are human, but not flawed by design. You are His by design. And He is waiting for you to remember, to wake up, to come home, to surrender to Him, to love Him, to choose Him. Following Jesus isn't bondage or slavery. It's the freedom from it.

Nothing lasts forever. The Bible tells us there is a season for everything. His Word is the keeper of truth and the holder of hope.

God loves you more than you will ever know. Have you ever wondered why He hasn't sent Jesus back yet? Every year, there's a sect that will say, "We're in the end times." "Oh, another seal was broken." Oh this. Oh that.

Jesus hasn't come back yet, because He wants us all to come to the Father. His love is long-suffering. And while not all will accept salvation through Jesus, it doesn't change His desire. God does not wish condemnation on anyone. He seeks to shower us all with His love and His truth.