The Voice of Fear vs. The Voice of the Lord: Christian Dating Edition

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-7

Yesterday, I wrote about trusting the Lord and how trust doesn't just happen. Diving deep into Proverbs 3:5-7, we reverse-ordered the commands from (1) trust, (2) lean not, and (3) acknowledge to (1) acknowledge, (2) lean not, and (3) trust.

Trust is the fruit yielded from a committed relationship. Our commitment or acknowledgment of the Lord comes before our total trust in Him, just like with any relationship. And yet, total trust is our goal. Total trust is a kind of peace that surpasses all understanding. The enemy's goal is to keep us from getting there. It's to create doubt in our heart that makes us break in our oneness with God, that makes us take back control, rely on our understanding, and cease to abide by God's word in all things.

Today, I want to dig deeper into the act of trusting, which requires us to shut down the voice of fear which creates doubt.

I ended yesterday's post with a strong statement inspired by my understanding of Proverbs 3:5-7. The verse gives us three commands and one promise. If we acknowledge the Lord in all our ways--becoming one with Him and His word--He will direct our path. I also took this to mean the Lord won't direct what we won't surrender.

In my own life, I've found the hardest things to surrender to the Lord are the things I either want most or the areas where I feel prolonged silence. Prolonged silence, delay, or an area where I don't see the Lord moving tempts me to take back control.

Silence creates room for the voice of doubt to creep in. Silence tempts us to lean on our own understanding.

Maybe you can relate?

It's interesting that one of the most sacred areas, one of the most attacked areas--our relationships--receives the least amount of teaching in churches. There are plenty of messages to married couples, but what about those hoping to get married? What about those actively dating unsure of what to look for or what boundaries to put in place other than simply don't have sex. What about the young person who has already chosen to have sex and now feels they must carry that in silence and shame, feels re-alignment with God's word is impossible? What about the thirty-something who is losing hope of finding someone, because even Christians follow the world's standards when it comes to dating? Those people, people like me, mostly receive silence.

Silence is the ground where the weeds of worldly wisdom break through.

Today, as that thirty-something, I want to share with you what the voice of fear says in the silence, and what active trust in the Lord actually looks like.

The Voice of Fear: Christian Dating Edition

• You can't trust God with your hope for marriage.

• You're running out of time.

• If you don't settle, you won't be able to have children.

• If you don't settle, you'll be alone forever.

• God doesn't care about your happiness / love life.

• God only cares about your relationship after you get married.

• God isn't going to help you here. You must do this area of life based on your own understanding.

• You have to take back control.

The devil wants me (us) to quit on God. He wants us to think that some areas of our lives are off limits to God. But there is no area in our life that God doesn't care about.

Proverbs 3:5-7 is only one verse of many that speaks to God's care and desire for involvement in our lives. Just one. We are called to acknowledge Him in all things and, in response, He promises to direct us in all things.

Notice the plural of the word "path" in Proverbs 3:5-7. God's word acknowledges we are walking down many paths at once. We have one life with many facets.

We have a career path, a service path, a relational path, a health and wellness path, a word study path, and so much more. God wants access to all. God wants to direct all. God wants oneness with us. The enemy wants to break that oneness by tempting us to self-reliance.

Now, another post is coming with practical dating advice straight from the Bible. This one is going to require deep word study, but your girl is up for it. I'm going to find the words churches refuse to preach, because we need them. But for the sake of this post, I encourage you to make a list of what the voice of fear is speaking to you.

Maybe your struggle is different. Maybe you feel God is silent in another area of your life. Whatever the area is, what is the voice of fear saying? And then, combat it with the voice of Lord, which is spoken through His word, the Bible. Here is what the voice of Lord--the word of God--tells me.

The Voice of the Lord: Christian Dating Edition

• I withhold no good thing from those who love me.

• Ask and you shall receive.

• At the appointed time, I will make it happen.

• There is a time for everything (except quitting as my pastor pointed out).

• Do not grow weary in waiting and well doing.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Do not give up on the Lord. Do not quit on the Lord. Do not be tempted to self-reliance or the ways of the world. God will direct your path. He will prosper you. He will write your love story.

I am speaking from experience when I say, I know what it's like to lean on your own understanding. I know what it's like to ignore the advice of others, God's word, and commit myself to a relationship that took me even further away from God and the woman God had called me to be. I know that being single is a million times better than being in a worldly relationship. I know that having children with the wrong person is worse than never having children at all. That's a personal opinion not all may agree with, but in my life, it's true.

So, all the reasons that the devil wants me to settle: fear of being alone forever, fear of not being able to have children, fear of running out of time...the fear doesn't have the same power when you've lived the mistake once, learned the lesson, and are committed to waiting, committed to God. I hope you can take my word for it and won't need to learn this lesson the same way I did. Consider this your big sis advice of the day, God's will is worth the wait.

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Psalm 37:5