When Identifying Sin Isn't Simple

We all have those habits that leave us with questions. Is this really wrong? Is this is a sin? When the Bible doesn't directly address a particularly thing, it can be hard to understand where to draw the line. I've been struggling with this in a particular area for a very long time. Today, I'm not feeling so bold, so I won't share the exact area I struggle. What I will share is the peace that met me in my confusion.

Last night, I wrote in my journal to God: Lord, I'm struggling with this and I really don't understand if it's wrong or not. I know this habit is rooted in a God-given desire. I know this habit is not evil. I couldn't even describe it as immoral if I wanted to. The guilt and shame that I feel surrounding this habit doesn't come from the act itself. It comes from not knowing if You permit it or not.

I was wrestling with what is permissible, because I knew it wasn't God's perfect will. That much was certain. I knew that this habit was a coping mechanism for the season of life I'm in. We see the example of God's permissible will versus His perfect will in the instance of divorce. God does not like divorce--ever--but He permits it in cases of adultery, because He understands that is a broken covenant. He Himself sets the example of separation when covenant is broken.

So, God, is my habit a permissible coping mechanism or is it an outright sin I am trying to justify?

Then two things came to me.

Your lack of peace should be answer enough.

Don't worry about if it's wrong or not. Consider if it's helpful.

Even when the Bible doesn't directly address the thing you're struggling with, you can still find your answer within the text. "For God is not a God of confusion but of peace." 1 Corinthians 14:33 If you keep wrestling with something, asking God if it's okay or not, the wrestling is proof you don't have peace about it. A lack of peace is the answer even when you can't find the exact words you're looking for. Furthermore, when we understand that God's commandments and principles for character and conduct are to help us, protect us--not to condemn us--then we can assess our habits through that lens.

Is this helping me or hurting me?

Is the help greater than the hurt?

Will continuing this habit potentially jeopardize my future?

For example, God permits the consumption of alcohol, but condemns drunkenness. But for the person who has struggled with addiction, even one drink may be unhelpful to them and jeopardize their sobriety.

What is permissible isn't always helpful.

I think, often times, when we talk about sin or things that may be sinful, we are searching for condemnation. But God doesn't seek to condemn us. He seeks to heal us. He seeks to free us from everything that controls us or hurts us. This perspective made me stop asking "Is this wrong," and I started considering my future instead.

If I continue this, could this be dangerous in the future? Could this become an undeniable sin? Could this make abstaining from sex while dating harder? Does this habit open the door for continued guilt and shame in dating and even marriage? When I'm married, would I still think this is permissible? How would it make my spouse feel? How would I feel if my spouse also had this habit? Is developing discipline in this area more helpful for my future than continuing to use this coping mechanism now?

In those questions, I found my answer. That doesn't make it easy to accept. But it was an answer that brought peace to the confusion and that's how I know it's the one I need to accept. Now comes the hardest part, figuring out a new coping mechanism for the desire that isn't going to go away. And right now, the only answer I have is prayer.

I hope I can bring the hurt to God rather than numbing it, because no matter what season you're in or what your current struggle is--self control is always helpful.