Wifely Speech: The Power of Life & Death Is In The Tongue

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue..." Proverbs 18:21

Today's post is inspired by a word God led me to about Job's wife. Job was a faithful man of God who suffered great loss. He lost his children, his wealth, his health declined, and his reputation came under attack. And while his wife suffered the same losses, she did so with a different heart posture that stripped Job of his final thing--his support system.

Job's wife told him to abandon his integrity, curse God and die. She is an example of how not to speak to your husband or to anyone for that matter. We find other examples of what not to do in Michal, David's wife (2 Samuel 6:16-23). She speaks with sarcasm and contempt when she sees David celebrating before the Lord. Again with Jezebel, Ahab's wife (1 Kings 21:5-16). Instead of speaking with wisdom, she encourages his entitlement. Even Sarah, Abraham's wife, acted in a way that had eternal consequences when she gave in to fear, impatience, and doubt in the Lord, and told her husband to have a child with another woman to fulfill the promise the Lord had spoken over them.

From this short list, we find both well-intentioned wives and wives who hated their husbands. And we find them with varying degrees of influence. Sarah, a loving and faithful wife, had influence over Abraham even when she was wrong. Thankfully, Job's wife, a woman who did not have the same strong faith as her husband, was unable to influence him to turn his back on God. But without question, a wife has influence over her husband. And we should all pray for husbands who are strong enough, faithful enough to not give in to our influence when we are misguided. But for the sake of this post, I want to discuss how to use your influence as a wife to speak life over your husband rather than death and destruction.

Scripture	Lesson
Proverbs 31:26	She opens her mouth with wisdom, and kindness governs her speech.
Proverbs 14:1	A wise woman builds her house rather than tearing it down.
Ephesians 4:29	Speak words that build others up and give grace to the listener.
Proverbs 15:1	A gentle answer turns away wrath, while harsh words stir up anger.
Colossians 4:6	Let your speech be gracious and seasoned with salt.
1 Peter 3:1–4	A wife's respectful conduct and gentle spirit can be a powerful testimony.
Proverbs 16:24	Gracious words bring sweetness and healing.

A godly woman's speech--a godly wife's speech--is characterized by wisdom and kindness.

SPEAK LIFE, NOT DEATH

Proverbs and Ephesians reveals that a wife's words should encourage, affirm, and strengthen rather than belittle, shame, or discourage her husband.

BUILD YOUR HOUSE, DON'T TEAR IT DOWN

Proverbs and 2 Samuel reveals wisdom in marriage includes knowing how to express disappointment, disagreement, and frustration without contempt.

SPEAK TRUTH, NOT JUST WHAT HE WANTS TO HEAR

1 Kings and Proverbs reveals a godly wife is not called to blindly affirm her husband. She should encourage righteousness, offer wise counsel, and speak truth in love.

STAND IN WISDOM WHEN YOUR HUSBAND IS FOOLISH

Abigail in 1 Samuel 25:14-35 presents a different picture of a wise wife. Her husband, Nabal, is a fool. He has insulted King David and refused to share provisions with his men. The King is now on his way to slaughter them. Abigail responds with wisdom, humility, and courage without ever involving her husband. Not involving him is an act of wisdom. She goes to the King herself and makes matters right on behalf of her family, preventing bloodshed. Her story reveals an important lesson for women striving to be godly wives.

Respectful speech does not mean silent submission to foolishness or sin.

In summary, a wise wife considers what her words will produce in her husband, in herself, and in her marriage. She is aware of her influence and uses it to strengthen and love her husband and counsel him with godly wisdom. She does not feed foolishness nor does she discourage him. A godly woman is not only a portal of life from heaven to earth through her womb. She breathes life into her marriage, into her home, and into her husband through uplifting and loving speech rooted in biblical truth.

Action Steps

1. Pray over your speech. Ask God to control your tongue and give you the words to speak life and love over your husband. Ask God what your husband needs to hear. Ask God to guide your prayers so you can pray for the things your husband is struggling with that he may not have even shared with you.

2. Never miss an opportunity to praise your husband. Whether it's something big or something small, encourage him. Show your appreciation for him and all that he does.

3. Tell your husband you're proud of him and thankful for him.

4. Pause before responding in a moment of anger. Bring your frustrations to the Lord and let Him give you a perspective that tempers anger and provides a calm path forward for you and your husband.

5. Pray over your marriage and your communication together. Marriage is not a one-sided endeavor. A husband should pray for discernment on when to listen to his wife's influence and when not to. A husband also should speak with lovingkindness and wise counsel towards his wife. But you, as the wife, cannot control this. You can only encourage it. And I think that's the final message.

Accept that you cannot control your husband, but you can do your part to influence and co-create a healthy and beautiful marriage where love and wisdom rule.