Love & Submission: A Picture of Godly Relationships

Emily Myers
1 day ago
4 min read

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." Ephesians 5:25-29

If you're single and longing for godly marriage or once were, you've probably heard these scriptures countless times. Perhaps you've heard them against your will. I digress. These scriptures are often taught in relation to marriage, because we are presented with direct instructions from the Lord on how to treat our spouse. However, a crucial point often gets lost in translation.

The address to the wives is written first in Ephesians, which often leads us to believe women are called to submit first to their husband, regardless of the treatment they receive, regardless of if he's proven himself worthy of submission. False.

We, believers, submit to Christ, because we know He is trustworthy. We know He loves us beyond measure. We know He will never abandon us. We know we are safe to follow His leadership.

While we know that no human man can compare to Christ or love us like Christ, despite the directive, we, as children of God, are not called to submit ourselves to a husband who has not proven he is a safe, trustworthy leader rooted in the Word--a man who leads the marriage with love, kindness, grace, and sacrifice like Christ. This trustworthy, rooted in the Word leadership should begin in the dating relationship, so that you can assess if your submission to him is safe before marrying him.

God never called His daughters to submit to lost or abusive men. He calls us to submit to a husband who is already submitted to Him.

I know, as godly women, our desire is for a godly spouse and a sanctified marriage. However, many of us get into relationship with a man before having a relationship with God--often when we're very young. That's when trouble rises. We might discover God after getting emotionally attached to someone over the span of many years. In this case, our emotions war against our spiritual wisdom and we are forced to choose to follow God or our heart. It likely will not be an easy choice despite having a clear right answer. In another example, we may marry someone before truly discovering what godly marriage is and how to be and choose a godly spouse. Hi, I've been there. Even in situations when both spouses are rooted in God when they marry, it's possible for a husband to fall away from God during the marriage, thus making his leadership and your submission to him feel unsafe.

A woman's relationship status does not change her relationship with God or her call to be obedient to God.

While the Lord's intention is for a man to lead his wife closer to God, to wash her with the Word and present her blameless to Him, that is not always the reality. God is your Father first. We must follow His leadership first and foremost. Furthermore, when we consider why we submit ourselves to Christ, it is because He loved us first.

When a man pursues us like Christ pursues the church, leads and loves us like Christ--to the best of his human ability--that is a husband worth submitting to.

If a husband's leadership forces you out of submission to the Lord, we as children of God are called to follow the Lord above all else.

When a husband does not take on the responsibility to be worthy of his wife's submission yet still demands it, our submission is abused. The same can be said in parent-child relationships.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." Ephesians 6:1-3

Children are called to obey their parents under the impression that those parents are rooted in the Word and are bringing their children up in godly ways and wisdom. Throughout Proverbs we see that wisdom is the way to long life. But when parents do not rise to the responsibility of raising their children with love, in the ways and wisdom of the Lord, this commandment can be abused.

Paul goes on to warn parents, "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

Submission is never blind. Submission is always in response to love.

Christ models the right order of love and submission. Husbands and wives are equals in both their expression of God's image and their inheritance in the kingdom of Heaven. Yet our roles on earth are different due to our biology and our personalities. Christ is equal with God the Father, yet His role in mankind's redemption story was different.

Christ is equal yet submissive to God the Father. God loves the Son and exalts Him. The Father's love came first, and Christ responded with loving submission to the Father's will. Christ models this again in His love for the church. Christ did not demand blind submission. He earned it with acts of love, kindness, and gentleness. He earned it by sharing wisdom, by giving second chances, by healing the sick and curing the blind. He earned our love and submission in countless ways, most notably in dying for us so that we may never have to know a death that separates us from the love of the Father.