Yesterday, I decided to stop at a coffee shop after the gym for a little Bible time and their seasonal Apple Cider. It was then that I discovered a journal I didn't even realize was in my car. There was only one entry dated just over three months ago and then it all came back to me. I remembered sitting at Starbucks writing down the key topics I was struggling with. Authority. Doubt. Trust. Submission. Hope. I was asking myself questions like: Do I trust God to have authority over my life? Do I trust His plans for me? Are they really good? How can I submit to a husband if I can't even submit to God? How do I have hope when I'm wrestling with so much doubt? I'd ended my entry with a prayer that God would help me trust Him, that He would teach me how to submit and feel safe. And so, instead of writing something new in my journal, I took the time yesterday to reflect on how I feel about those topics now. To my surprise, my latest reflection went something like this. I do trust God's authority over my life. His plans for me are good. I know that God is protecting me and He loves me. I know it's safe for me to submit to Him. I know that waiting on the Lord is not in vain. I trust that at the right time He will bring the right person. And in the meantime, He is doing a good work in me. I no longer resent the waiting even when impatience and loneliness gets to me. God is the source of my hope. Without Him, there would be nothing to hope in or for. As I wrote these words in my journal, I felt a sense of calm, almost like an exhale because I knew they were true. I wasn't just saying pretty words to make myself sound healed. I'd been living out those pretty words for weeks if not months. Just the day before, someone struck up a conversation with me at the gym. While this person meant well, certain things she said stood to be triggers for me--or fiery darts as our pastor would say. It began with, "You're 31 with no kids? I didn't even know that was an option." She explained that we were the same age and when she was younger, she thought the only option was to rush. She'd never been single in her life and had her first baby at 20. She said she was envious of my childfree life--in a way that mom's can understand. She's not saying I wish I didn't have kids. She's saying, I wish I could go home to a clean, empty house where no one needs me for a day. I told her, "We all want what we don't have." And that's when I opened up about wanting to be married and have kids, and I hoped I met someone before my biological clock stopped ticking. She said: "You're so beautiful, I doubt you have any issues getting approached. When was the last time you went on a date?" As I answered, "Nope, I don't really get approached. My last relationship ended about six years ago and I haven't dated since," she was shocked. Her response: "Well, that's got to be hard. I mean we were made for connection. You're a woman. You have needs." And I was like, "Yep. But I trust at the right time, the Lord will bring the right person." It was nice for her to acknowledge that being single for a prolonged period of time is hard and physical needs don't just magically appear after you say, "I do." I am a 30+ woman. I know how my body works. What it needs. And yes, it's hard to go without. It's also hard to feel like every menstrual cycle and every birthday means one less chance of having a baby. But those are the fiery darts, the subtle attacks from the devil meant to set our hearts ablaze so that we collapse to doubt. Doubt is the opposite of hope. Hope is a spirit of expectancy and a state of peace, because we know who our hope rests in. I was able to shut down this triggering conversation with the statement "I trust..." But my ability to trust in the Lord and place my hope in the Lord did not just happen. And my devotional today reminded me of that. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope." Psalm 130:5 God's Word is the source of our hope. And so, I wrote in my journal a three-pronged approach to hope. Step 1: Knowledge and understanding of God Step 2: Trust in God Step 3: Hope in God Our ability to hope in God is directly connected to our ability to trust Him. And our ability to trust God is directly connected to our knowledge and understanding of Him and His heart. We cannot trust someone we don't know nor can we place our hope in them. The more we understand who God is and how He loves us, the more we understand His word as truth, the more we trust Him and His goodness, the easier it is to place our hope in Him. Believing in God's goodness and trusting His plans for me are good took me a very long time. It's something that God has been trying to reveal to me and heal in me for years, and something I feel I've finally accepted. God's plans are good. Truly accepting that allows me--on the hard days--to look at my life and the woman that God has restored and see His goodness, even when I'm still waiting for certain good things. And, for the record, I do not believe I'm waiting for nothing. For many years, I did. I questioned if God had written marriage as part of my story. I no longer question it. I know God's heart well enough to know He desires marriage for me. I see the work He's doing in me to prepare me to be not only His daughter but someone's wife. And He's given me certain confirmations, certain glimmers of hope that remind me it will happen one day. Remain faithful. And while motherhood may still feel like a question mark simply because of my age, I believe wholeheartedly that if it is God's will for me to be a mother, it will happen regardless of my age. He is the author of time and the preserver of my body. He has the authority and in the meantime, I will steward my body well in preparation for both marriage and motherhood. With all of this said, I see the value in the past six years of singleness. I see the value of getting comfortable living alone, of reclaiming my health, of having the freedom to become the woman and woman of God He has called me to be. I see the value of getting to travel, of getting to make friends that aren't filtered through someone else. I see the value in being able to devote as much time as I want to to my church and my other passions. I see the value of the wilderness, of the waiting, of singleness. I see the value of my season. And what I've realized is... There will always be another season. Getting married is a change in season, but it is not the last season. For many years, I held the belief that it was. The day you get married is the day everything changes and your life becomes solely about your husband and your children. But one of the things God has revealed to me through this season of waiting is that your life, my life, is bigger than marriage. He has purposes beyond that for me, and honestly, for each of us. And even after you get married, you may face another season of being alone. I see that in my grandma, in my mom, in my aunt. A marriage certificate is not a guarentee to have companionship for the rest of your life. And so, I value the time I have now to make friends, to build community, to find myself and where I belong, because even after I get married, there will be a use for this community and sense of belonging. And there may be a time when I have to rely on them again just as I will continue to have to rely on God throughout every season. I think that's the biggest lesson God has been teaching me is how to rely on Him, because once you feel the peace of submitting to Him, it's not something you ever want to give up. It does make the waiting easier, and it also reveals to me how to better steward every relationship that comes my way. But that is a different post. In closing, don't let discouragement or the words of others create a doubt in you that God never authored. We all have trigger points. We all have those places in us that ache and when someone presses just right, we hurt even when hurting us is the last thing they wanted to do. Do not let the doubt and discouragement fester. Shut it down with words of hope, words of truth, words from God. Because His word is true. His word is the anchor of our hope. His word is our foundation and the source of our peace. If you're waiting for something specific, find peace in knowing the journey is just as important as the destination. There is a time and place for everything under the sun and the season will change. The Lord will give you the desires of your heart if you continue to trust and seek Him. This word is true not because God is withholding from you, not because you have to prove your faithfulness to God before being blessed, but because God knows that continuing to seek Him is the only way to continue to trust Him and to maintain hopefulness in a world that seeks to make us hopeless.

What better kind of procrastination is there than prayer? I'm supposed to be working on my new romance novel right now, but before I got started, I decided to journal. And for me, journaling often leads to prayer. Today's topics? Marriage and ministry. These are the two topics I pray about often because I'm passionate about preparing for both. I want God to lead me in both areas. But today I wondered, have I actually asked God how He wants to use me for His kingdom? I know what my gifts are: writing, speaking, singing, authenticity that helps me connect with people, cooking and baking, hosting, and loving. And I've dreamed up many micro-ministries over the last few months that employ these gifts, like baking for friends and neighbors as an act of love and hosting a ladies prayer group. These are small additions to the larger ministry I feel God calling me to which is using my gift of writing to spread truth, hope, and love. And I can see doors that those written words will open--speaking opportunities, expanded platforms that help me reach more people on behalf of the kingdom. But... As my brain is sorting through all the options and trying to connect the dots--from personal to professional ministry--I was reminded of a verse I read just yesterday. "You are the light of the world...let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14+16 And that's when it hit me. Your ministry is bigger than what you accomplish. Before we go any further, let's dissect the word ministry. Many people associate this term only with organized churches, but the actual definition of the word is "an act of service or a specific area in religion or government." Every believer has the call to ministry, because every believer has the call to serve the kingdom. And every believer is equipped in specific and unique ways to do just that. "O Lord, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures." Psalm 104:24 The Lord has crafted each of us and given each of us unique personalities and gifts that allow us to step into different dark corners of the world and be the light in each one. Our gifts may point us in a particular ministry direction whether that is speaking, writing, creating music, crafting works with our hands, teaching, coaching, being in healthcare or law enforcement. But, despite where our gifts lead us, our greatest ministry will always be in being the light of the world, in being the smile or hug or prayer that person needed. Jobs, even careers and passions, have a clock. We clock-in and we clock-out. But we never clock-out of kingdom work. We never clock-out of being the light. It's the little things we do each day, the little acts of love we offer to all who we encounter that is our greatest ministry. And so, I encourage you and myself to focus not only on what we can accomplish for the kingdom but who we are as we accomplish.

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." Colossians 4:6 This morning, my devotional pulled from Colossians in a week-long study on grace. The topic today was grace in relationships. The English teacher in me went on a deep-dive of context clues. Graceful speech is seasoned with salt. But what is the salt the scripture is referring to? In Matthew 5:13, Jesus says, "You are the salt of the earth," when referring to His followers. This was part of His Sermon On The Mount. He said: 3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Salt and Light 13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. 14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Salt is godly wisdom and understanding that comes from seeking the Lord and His truth. We see certain phrases and descriptions used in Matthew 5 before Jesus ever says, "YOU are the salt of the earth." those who hunger and thirst for righteousness those who are merciful those who are pure in heart those who are the peacemakers Believers know we are incapable of being any of these things without Jesus and His Holy Spirit. When we seek His Word, hungering and thirsting for righteousness and truth, His Word becomes the soil our heart is planted in. And what is planted, grows. We are indwelled with His Holy Spirit and we begin to demonstrate the fruit of the spirit. We become more gracious, merciful, pure, and choose peace over chaos. We become the salt of the earth. When you understand the usefulness of salt, the metaphor becomes even more revealing. Salt is used in flavoring, preservation, baking and curing, first aid, cleaning, gardening, and even in chemical production, de-icing, and water softening. There are many ways salt can be used that all lead to the preservation of the body and of the home. We are most familiar with the use of salt in the kitchen. Salt preserves, inhibits spoilage. Salt preserves what would otherwise decay. Godly wisdom likewise preserves mankind in a corrupted world. Referring back to Colossians: When we understand the Word of God, we preserve our saltiness, and our ability to preserve mankind by answering every person with truth. When we know the truth, we are able to spread the truth. When we lose sight of the truth or no longer seek the truth--we lose our saltiness or effectiveness. And Jesus says, once salt has lost its flavor, it is no longer good for anything. Obviously, we know we can return to the source of the salt. We can return to Jesus and He will renew us. He will make us effective again, because He was the One who did it in the first place. But the metaphor still rings true, that without Jesus, we lose our effectiveness to spread the gospel, to speak truth, to be the salt of the earth. There are many references of salt in the Bible, but I want to close with one from 2 Kings 2:19-22. Elisha throws salt into a bad spring, and God heals the water so that it no longer causes death or bareness. "Thus says the Lord, I have healed the water." We still use salt today to kill bacteria and soothe a sore throat. Gargling salt water is often recommended to prevent illness and is an effective, budget-friendly way to thin or clear mucus, prevent infection, reduce inflammation, etc. Salt is healing, just like the Word of God is. When Jesus calls His followers the salt of the earth, He is essentially saying you now--through Me--have the wisdom and understanding to heal the world. Sometimes, like salt in an open wound, healing speech stings. Proverbs 27:6 reveals, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend." Proverbs 12:18 says, "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Being the salt of the earth isn't just about having godly wisdom and understanding. It's about being gracious in your delivery of wisdom that your words may heal rather than condemn. And that is where I leave you. Go be the salt of the earth. Go speak healing truth with grace. Go be the light in the world that draws others to the Father. 🤍

"Perfect love drives out fear." 1 John 4:18 The pursuit of perfection is an ideology as old as time, no doubt born from the enemy and his lies. Until we know the truth, we all fall for the lie in one area or another. In biblical times, we see the perversion of God's word by the pharisees. They were so concerned with following the Law, that they missed the heart of the Law--the purpose of the Law. Therefore, they did not know how to apply it with grace. Their ego was stroked by their own ability to follow the Law perfectly (even though they were not) and their authority to condemn those who broke the Law. The Law of the Lord--our first understanding of perfection--was created with two purposes. To guide a people toward righteousness, civility, honor, and prosperity. To reveal our human imperfection and our need for a Savior. The Law was never meant to condemn, but to reveal. When Jesus came, He freed us from the curse of the Law or rather the curse of the pursuit of perfection. "Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, "Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree"), that the blessing of Abraham might come upon the Gentiles in Christ Jesus, that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith." Galatians 3:13-14 And yet, feeling the need to be perfect persists. It persists in singleness and dating, in the workplace, and even in the church. The enemy still wants us to believe we're not good enough to receive love--the love of others and the love of God. As a woman, I've struggled to believe anyone would love me, choose me, unless I was perfect. But perfect is a moving goal post, an ever-changing criteria. And when you're in a race with no true finish line, the pursuit never ends until your body says "no more." Growing up in the church, I felt the same way. Teachings led me to believe that I would never be good enough for God, so why even try? This ideology is still turning people away from God before they even know Him, just as it did me. But the truth is, we weren't created to be good enough, perfect, or even righteous on our own. We were created to have relationship with the Lord, and it's through that relationship that He works in us to make us holy. Holy, not because we're perfect and we never sin, but because of our adoption into His kingdom--into His family. When Satan makes us believe we're not good enough to even seek a relationship--whether it's with the Lord or with someone else--we miss out on the love we were created to receive and to give. Love is the foundation of the world, of our faith, of our salvation, of our existence. Love inspired God to create the world and all who inhabit it. Love inspired God to save the world. The Love of God is what the Law and Jesus came to reveal. Love is what God offers each day, regardless of our failures the night before. You don't have to be perfect to receive what you were created to receive. When we understand the love of God, we are freed from the curse Jesus abolished centuries ago. We no longer chase validation, even when insecurities arise. We bring our insecurities and negative thoughts to the Lord and He reminds us of the truth. He reminds us of our worth and our purpose. And when we fail in our faith walk, we do not hide from the Lord in shame like Adam and Eve. We remember that "Perfect love drives out fear." 1 John 4:18 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 God is not waiting to say, "I told you so." He is not waiting with a belt to punish or even a harsh word. His word says, He is not easily angered and He keeps no record of wrongs. He rejoices with the truth. He wants you to bring everything to Him. Yes, even your failures. His arms are open to give you a comforting hug and it is that love that inspires us to walk in obedience once again. God's love is perfect and therefore, we have nothing to fear in seeking His love even when we are not perfect. The world preaches perfection. Even some misguided churches preach performance-based salvation, like the pharisees. But Jesus preaches surrender, grace, redemption, freedom, and love. Jesus is the one that breaks every curse, including the curse of the pursuit of perfection. So, if you're struggling with the need to be perfect, with feeling unworthy of love, with feeling unworthy of even seeking the Lord, call on Him. He will answer, because this relationship never required you to be perfect. It only requires you to seek Him.

Okay, y'all this one is going to be personal. It's after 10 PM on August 3, 2026 and I'm scheduling this post a few weeks out, because I reference my surgery recovery and that isn't public knowledge yet. As I write this, I am still amazed at how God is using this surgery and recovery journey to heal me emotionally as well as physically. Part of healing is taking note when something doesn't feel right and taking action when something isn't right. Tonight, I want to share with you something that didn't feel right and led me to confront a deeper wound than the incision across my lower abdomen. I have never felt a stronger desire to praise the Lord than over the last few weeks recovering from this surgery, because I have felt the Lord's presence each day. I have felt protected by Him, cared for by Him, loved by Him. And I have relied both willingly and necessarily on Him. When I've been in pain, tormented by anxious thoughts, or just overwhelmed by all the changes happening inside me and around me, Jesus was the only one who could comfort me. Time and time again, I prayed to Him, "Please, Lord, put your healing hands on me and heal me from the inside out." I prayed this prayer multiple times, not because it didn't work the first time, but because it did. Jesus was with me and I wanted Him to continue being with me. The longing for His presence has never been greater. The longing for His healing touch has never been greater. My dependence on Him has never been greater. And the verse, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 has never felt truer. There have been times in my life when I've had to rely on God. When my dad was diagnosed with cancer, I prayed for God's divine healing. When my past relationship crumbled before my eyes, I prayed for God to save it. When my nephew was diagnosed with terminal cancer, still I prayed for God to work a miracle. In all three instances, I was forced to find the silver lining when the prayer wasn't answered. I was forced to praise Him in the heartache, in the loss, in the grief, in the utter confusion. This time, I didn't feel like I had to rely on Him. I felt like I got to rely on Him. And this time, I get to praise Him from a place of love and gratitude rather than despair. But then came the pressure. I've found myself thinking of how I can honor God for what He's done for me. How can I honor Him with the body He's preserved? And while this isn't a bad thought at all, where it led is a place I've struggled. Thoughts of how can I praise Him turned into a feeling of being indebted to Him. I started to feel like I had to be perfect to earn His protection or else I let Him down or else He'll regret what He did for me or else He'll never show up for me again. I started thinking well what happens when I struggle with that sin again? Should I give up cropped tops? What exactly does this mean? What exactly does this praise look like? My spiraling thoughts led me to the place where praise no longer felt like praise. It felt like pressure. And then I realized...this isn't right. God shows up for us, because He loves us. God protects us, because He's invested in our lives. What we do in response--how we praise and worship Him--comes from a place of love and gratitude not the pressure to perform, not the pressure to earn, not the weight of a debt He never cast on us. And that loving praise is not something I've ever truly had before, but now I do. I won't let the pressure to perform steal the joy of my praise or steal the feeling of being loved by God. On a slightly different note...there is one more thing the Lord has shown me through this process. His presence and intervention has far exceeded anything that I asked for. Truthfully, when it comes to me, I usually don't pray my strongest prayers. It's more of a last minute thing--when I'm already on the plane, when I'm already in the car, when it's the night before surgery. I pray and I release, because on some level, I think I don't care as much what happens to me as I do the people I love. I have peace in knowing that if it's my time, it's my time, and if it's not, God will protect me. Now, if I had kids or a husband, I'd be more cautious. But I don't. There's no one who needs me to wake up the next morning or get up off that operating table. Yet I have plenty of people waiting for me in Heaven who I can't wait to see. So, I don't worry. I don't worry if the plane goes down. I don't worry if I don't wake up. And yet, when I did wake up, that's when my self-preservation instincts kicked in. That's when I started being careful. And as I put in all this effort to heal properly and stop the bleeding when I cut my finger on a broken jar of honey, I realized I actually do care if I live or die. I think this time in isolation, where I've been forced to take things slowly, rest, pray, rely on God and others, and ultimately, give my body time to heal has been a time of healing greater than I could've expected. I pray that when I do get to step out of hibernation, I remember this time and the lessons I've learned. I pray that I remember to praise Him from a place of love and gratitude. I pray that my praise becomes a reminder of this time in my life when I felt loved by God, when God woke me up and said, "I'm not done with you yet, and you're not done with you either."

The idea for this post came to me a few days ago as I struggled to transition from my post-surgical binder to a compression garment that I can wear long-term. Compression is key for recovery. Day 15 and I've finally settled into one that I'll be in for the next 8 weeks! Yes. I don't know how I'll do it, but probably like I've approached the last two--one day at a time. But there's a message in this, isn't it? Compression is necessary for healing. It's necessary for allowing your body to heal from the inside out, for your nerves and blood vessels to stitch themselves back together, to reduce swelling and discomfort. And yet, compression itself is uncomfortable. I think our spiritual healing is no different. We are pressed, like olives. We are squeezed, like lemons. Sometimes it's a test of faith to see how far we've already come--the pouring out that wouldn't have been possible without the prior pressing. And, other times, the pressing is to see what's left to heal. Either way, the pressing, the process of healing is uncomfortable but it bears good fruit. My first 10 days of recovery I had drains--an abdominal binder that squeezed me and drains that drew the fluid out of my body. This was a necessary step of healing, to get the unnecessary, harmful-if-it-lingered, fluid out of me. Now, I've entered a different stage of healing--the one that lasts the longest. No more drains. My body is strong enough to filter any remaining inflammation out on its own. I've proven myself strong enough, but I'm still being pressed. I'm still healing. And even when I'm cleared to exit this period of isolation and return to an active life, I will still be in compression for another month. Healing comes in stages. And while there is pressing we endure in isolation. There's also pressing we endure in public. And it's all for a purpose. But one day, not too far off, the compression garment will go in the closet and I'll be free to live my life again. I'll be free to pour out again. What I look forward to most after this surgery is getting back to serving at church, attending YA, being a present and supportive friend, going to the gym and being involved in community. I'm excited for normalcy. I'm excited for community. I'm excited for serving. I'm excited to pour out, and in a way, I'm doing that now through this blog. How are you being pressed right now? Are you in a season of solitary healing or public pressing? How can you begin pouring out even while you're still recovering? I hope that you've enjoyed this reflections from my recovery season. This was a journey I wanted to keep mostly private until I felt well enough to share. But I've found comfort and purpose in sharing through this blog in real-time. Going into this procedure, I couldn't imagine the perspective the Lord would offer me. Nor could I have imagined the rapid healing that's allowed me to be mostly self-sufficient throughout this process. The past two weeks have not exactly been fun but I have been blessed to heal well with minimal pain. Yesterday, I got a good report from my surgeon and now the long-game begins. Compression. Scar treatment. A slow return to daily showers and eventually sleeping in my bed again. But every game reaches its end, just like every season. Just like when I began my fitness journey, I will put my head down, do what I have to do, avoid the mirrors if I have to until I'm ready to bloom.

The thing about a social media break while being homebound is, you start looking for other forms of connection. For me, that's been this blog. I've started letting you in to a part of my life I've never written about before--my health and fitness journey, even my skin removal journey. Today, I'm 10 days post-op and craving pizza. Johnny's Chicken Ranchero add pineapple, to be exact. But as I recover from my abdominalplasty, my nutrition is more important than ever. My typical diet is protein-forward and then I fill in the gaps with carbs, veggies, and the occasional takeout order. This is how I lost 157 pounds, and it's made my recovery diet easier to stick to. Doctor's orders? High protein. High fiber. Low sodium. Nothing fried. Lots of water and electrolytes. Essentially, we're trying to keep the swelling down while giving my body the nutrients it needs to heal--to rebuild tissue, close an incision, reattach my skin to my muscle wall, heal blood vessels and nerves that were severed during surgery, and function normally. There's no question my fitness level and nutrition prior to surgery has aided my recovery. 10 days post-op and if I didn't have to restrain myself per doctor's orders, and wear this God-awful abdominal binder, I'd honestly feel well enough to get back to normal life. My drains are out, and I'm ready to get back to the gym. But internally, there's still a lot of healing to take place. And so, I met my craving for pizza while giving my body the fuel it needs to perform those quiet miracles. And now, I want to share how with you. LOW CARB TORTILLA TURKEY MEATBALL PIZZA 1 Carb Balance Tortilla - 70 calories, 5 grams of protein 1/4 cup Pizza or Pasta sauce - 40 calories, 1 gram of protein 2 slices of Sargento Colby Jack - 140 calories, 10 grams of protein ***I usually do 1/4 cup of shredded cheese for less calories, but I was out. 3 Homemade Turkey Meatballs or protein of choice - 120 calories, 20 grams of protein ***This is just what I already had cooked. Seasonings: black pepper, red pepper flakes, garlic powder, parsley, fennel seed Pro Tip: The fennel seed is what makes pizza taste like pizza. Just trust me. As you can see, I used only what I already had in my pantry / fridge. You could easily replicate this recipe with different proteins and add herbs and vegetables. My fridge is just a little sparse at the moment. But even a sparse fridge can produce a tasty, craving-satisfying dish. Step 1: Get all your ingredients organized. Step 2: Brown your protein source and veggies in your pan. Step 3: Add your tortilla to a skillet sprayed with Avocado Oil spray. Step 4: Add your tomato sauce and dry seasonings and turn on the heat. Step 5: After the tortilla starts crisping, add your cheese and more seasoning. Step 6: Once your cheese starts to melt, add your protein and veggies (which should still be slightly warm) Keep your tortilla on medium to low heat until it reaches your desired crisp or warmth. That's it! Done and delish. This single serve pizza recipe is perfect for kids or adults alike, or can be a good snack shared between two. And you can complete one pizza in about 10 minutes. Win, win, now where's the chicken? By finding healthy alternatives to your favorite dishes, you too can reclaim your health and pantry. 🤍

Good morning, readers! Today's post should probably be a journal entry. Instead, I'm choosing to share it with you. As you may know, I've spent nearly four years re-learning everything I thought I knew about health and fitness, falling in love with exercise, embracing whole foods, and losing 157 pounds. Eight days ago, I underwent the first of two planned surgeries to remove the excess skin left behind. I've shared some of this in recent posts. But today's post is different. Today I'm writing, for the first time since my surgery, in my sunroom, while eating scrambled eggs and honey toast I made for myself. This is a milestone. Slowly but surely, I'm regaining independence and mobility while my body continues to heal a 24-inch incision and re-adhere my skin to my muscle wall. This recovery journey is far from over, but I feel safe in saying, I've made it through the worst of it and I felt God's divine protection and healing every step of the way. This is a post of praise! Before heading into surgery, I'd done a ton of research. As in, I'd been watching other people's stories of surgery and recovery for probably a year and a half before having my own. I knew what to expect, what could go wrong, what questions to ask, what recovery supplies to buy. I was prepared, as well as anyone could be, to have drains for multiple weeks, to walk hunched over for a month, to sleep in a chair for a month or more. I knew recovery would be uncomfortable if not outright painful. And yet, I'd pushed through pain before. I knew I could do it. But the thing is, I haven't been doing it alone. Since waking up from anestheia, I've been able to get up out of the chair on my own, sit, use the bathroom, wipe, even stand-up in the shower rather than sitting down. I never experienced unbareable pain. I had the walker, the shower stool. I had all the things. The one thing I didn't account for before going under was I also had God. Eight days post-op, I'm walking and standing straight with both drains removed. I'm cooking, cleaning, functioning at a much higher percentage than I should be right now. There are still milestones I'm waiting for, like being able to sleep on my side in my bed, wash clothes for myself, drive, and return to church and the gym. But to be where I am today, I know that God has been with me. I am so thankful for His presence, for His protection, for His angels that surround me and steady my steps, and for my prayer warriors. There have been so many people praying for me, just as there were so many people cheering me on in the gym. I am so thankful. This surgery, this recovery, could have been so much worse. And that's the song I will sing. God has time and time again shown up and saved me from situations that could've been so much worse. That doesn't mean I'm unscathed or unscarred. What it means is, I'm still here. And so are you. Even in the moments when we don't feel favored, God is with us. I recently lost my eleven-month-old nephew to terminal cancer, a disease that seems to haunt my family. Moments like that, and like losing my dad eight years ago, make me feel like my family is cursed. The longer I wait for a husband, a family of my own, to enter the next season of my life, I feel cursed. But despite the heartbreak, God has been with me through those losses too, enough that I can still sing "it could've been so much worse." Can you imagine? Losing someone you love is the worst. And yet, there are silver-linings in death. There's the time you had to cherish, even though you lived with the knowledge that it wouldn't last. There's the relief from suffering your loved one feels. There's the breath you get to take when it's all over, when there are no more hospital visits and scary updates. It still hurts. It still haunts. But it still could've been so much worse. I am thankful, Lord, for all the ways you've shown up for me. I am thankful that even in tragedy you give me perspective that keeps me from feeling abandoned by You. Today's silver-lining is sunshine and scrambled eggs. It's getting to sit in a chair other than the one I've been sleeping in, to feel well-enough to wipe down my kitchen countertops, load the dishwasher, and cook for myself, to enjoy the sunshine that I've missed from a room I love. What is your silver-lining? What is your song of triumph? What is your "it-could've-been-worse" moment? This week in recovery has offered me perspective. It's drawn out my humility. It's reminded me of God's presence, favor, and love for me. Maybe it's reminded me that He has a plan for me, or else, I wouldn't still be here. More than anything, it's made me long for the life I once complained about. The one that's filled with gym visits, singing and serving at church, and quiet, cozy moments on the couch. The one where I get to shower without stress, sleep comfortably in my bed, and am not limited by physical pain. Perspective is healing just as much as my ability to stand straight, walk, and cook for myself. Perspective reminds me that my life is good as it is. Even as I continue to heal, my life is good. I pray I remember this when I get to step fully into my life once again.

Hi friends! I'm writing to you today on July 17, 2026, three days after undergoing an extended abdominalplasty after losing nearly 160 pounds. You may have noticed I'm scheduling these posts a few weeks out. That's so I can make it through the worst of my recovery privately. Truthfully, I had no intention of writing a post about my surgery or recovery. It's not book related. It's not exactly Bible related either. But sometimes it takes our hardest, most humble circumstance for perspective to present and God's presence to not only be felt, but be enough. And that's what I want to write about today. At my lowest, Jesus is the name I cried out. A week ago, in the days leading up to my surgery, I was doing everything but thinking about this procedure. I was cleaning, cooking, going to the gym, struggling with loneliness and feeling like I'm running out of time to get married and have kids. I was struggling to maintain hopefulness for the life and love I'd always wanted. I was a little angry at God and I certainly didn't feel loved by Him. My mind was moving a hundred miles a minute overcome with grief, questions, uncertainty, and fatigue. I was tired of waiting on God to move in my life, tired of trying to become my best self, tired of never feeling good enough. Tired. Today, I would trade this tired for that tired a hundred times over. Today, I'm tired of not being able to live the life I was just complaining about. Today, I'm tired of having drains poking out of my skin. Today, I'm tired of not being able to move and use my body like I used to. I'm tired of not being able to wear normal clothes. I've been in a robe, open to the back for days now. I'm tired of not being able to enjoy a shower, sleep in my bed, lie on my couch. I long for the mundane things, as mundane as being able to use the bathroom without praying to God, "Please, help me." Y'all, is this TMI? I promise I'm not that medicated. I'm just honest. It's a good thing I'm not a prideful person, because this procedure will humble you. Being half-naked 24/7, having to have someone watch you while you shower to make sure you don't pass out, having to have someone milk your drains, pick that pillow up when you drop it, or move that book closer because it's just out of reach will humble you. This vulnerability makes me uncomfortable. It would anyone. As someone who lives alone and is used to being fully independent, the kind of independent who flies across the ocean and walks through European cities alone, suddenly being afraid to be home alone is jarring. But... When I'm vulnerable, Jesus is my strength. After telling my friends, I can see God's protection and provision in my life but not necessarily His love, I can now say I feel His love. "...My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 When I tell you this is an "only God could do it" moment, it truly is. As rough as this recovery is, I'm actually doing amazing. Amazing in the post-op dictionary means: I'm walking well I'm standing mostly straight My vitals are good I'm hydrating well My drain output is relatively low I'm able to get out of the chair by myself I'm able to use the bathroom by myself, including wiping I was able to shower without assistance and could even stand while doing it The truth is, I am doing really well considering the procedure I had, but I'm not doing it alone. I'm humble enough to ask for help--help from my support system and from God, my ultimate protector and healer. And I think that's the message. Healing requires humility. Healing isn't pretty--no matter what wound you're trying to mend. It's messy, whether you're literally bleeding or just figuratively. Sometimes it requires isolation. Sometimes it's trial and error. Being willing to try, see what isn't working, adjust, and try again are part of any successful healing journey. God knows I've got more wounds than a 24-inch incision to heal. But this time in isolation, in utter humility, and reliance on others and God has reminded me of what's important. A week ago, I was hyperfixated on the one thing I didn't have. Today, I'm grateful for the things I once thought were a given. Perspective is a gift for the overactive mind. Today, I'm not thinking about getting married or having kids. I'm thinking about the day I get these drains out, the day I can stand fully straight, the day I can walk around my neighborhood again, the day I feel like myself in the gym again. I want to feel like myself again--the girl who gyms, the girl who travels, the girl who serves at church, the girl who shows up for her friends, the girl who writes books. But even as I work to get back to her, I am reminded that I am the woman who did the hard thing of losing 157 pounds. That woman showed up to the gym and built the muscles allowing her a decent level of independence now. That woman did the cardio, building strong enough lungs to endure a surgery like this. And if I didn't before, now I give credit to God for giving me the power to do those hard things. I give credit to God for getting me through this hard thing now. While this post is incredibly personal, I always try to give it back to my readers. So, today's call is: Whatever challenge you're currently facing, be humble enough to ask for help.

Today is July 13, 2026--the day before my first excess skin removal surgery, the day I stepped onto the scale and said, "I did it!" Stats will tell you a lot about a person. 1383 days 2 million steps taken Over 4000 meals logged Over 1000 workouts completed 0 medications taken 156.9 pounds lost But stats are only half of the story. Today, I want to tell you the rest. The Culture That Destroyed My Confidence Before It Could Form Being a teen in the early 2000s and 2010s, skinny was not only in, it was it. If you were not unhealthily thin, you were considered fat, undesirable, ugly, all the things. But body shaming didn't begin and end with what you found on the TV or in magazines. It infected those around me and they poured criticism into me because my body didn't meet the standard. I had naturally wider hips and a fuller butt. I wore a size 14 jean while wearing a medium t-shirt and sporting a B cup. The women reading this understand. I wasn't fat. I was curvy. And those curves were natural. There was nothing I could do to reshape my body into the model-thin beauty standard. But that didn't stop me from trying. I spent years being body checked. I can remember my mom's hands on my hips as if they were a measuring tape. I felt horrible for weighing close to 200 pounds as a girl raised by a mom who was barely over 100 pounds when pregnant with me. I was constantly compared to my thinner and taller sister, which fueled insecurity that I carried with me in every arena. The comments from guys at school that "your mom is hot," didn't help. Nor did the lack of romantic attention I experienced all throughout adolescence. I was tall and curvy, weighed more than probably every guy around me. I knew it. And so did they. Therefore, I was undatable. Undesirable. Little comments or jokes became verdicts on my worth. When a boy at school would point out my knee was wider than his when sitting, my stomach was left in knots. Or when someone pulled my chair out from underneath me and my fall made a loud noise, the embarrassment was undeniable. To be fair, the building was on pillars, not a concrete foundation. Of course, my fall made a noise. Growth spurts helped a problem that never really existed. And then, as I made the decision to quit basketball to focus on my academics senior year, I was told, "Be careful. Now that you're not running all the time, you'll start gaining weight and if you gain weight no one is going to date you." Yes. Yes. A seventeen-year-old girl who'd spent her life feeling compared, insecure, undatable, unlovable, just had it confirmed by the person who was supposed to build up her confidence that her weight was the gatekeeper to love. And so, the fantasies I'd carried about losing weight and finally being confident, finally having a boyfriend, turned into a mission to do just that. That summer before senior year and continuing through my freshman year of college, I spent an hour a day on the elliptical. I would run. I would swim--not for fun, but with a lap goal in mind. I would do Jillian Michaels videos. And if I didn't, I would hate myself. On top of that, I had a MyFitnessPal app--the same app I've used to track my progress on this journey. Except back then, I was misinformed about everything fitness and nutrition related. I think the world was, at least as far as women were concerned. I drank lemon water. I ate iceberg lettuce because it was zero calories and I tried to exercise enough and eat so little that at the end of the day MyFitnessPal would net zero calories. And I was praised for it. To be fair, I don't think my parents realized the mental toll this was taking on me. I don't think they realized the extreme I was going to. But they were a part of what pushed me down this path. And so, it was whiplash when my mom said, "I'll force feed you if I have to," as she worried I was becoming too thin. The crazy part is, I never lost any weight. I ALWAYS weighed in between 192 and 198 pounds. I now know enough about weight loss, fat vs. water weight, and even hormonal fluctations to know that 6 pound difference wasn't substantial fat loss. It was a normal fluctuation for any girl / woman. What I lost during this stage wasn't weight. It was confidence. It was self-worth. In fact, I'm not sure I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. The Reality of Gaining Nearly 160 Pounds In college, the lie I'd always believed was proven false. I didn't have to be rail thin to get a boyfriend. In fact, I didn't have to change at all. And because I'd always hated exercise--probably because it was associated with my self-hatred--I eventually stopped exercising. Years of inactivity, adapting to the eating habits of my significant other, and using food as a coping mechanism when tragedy and heartbreak struck led to me gaining roughly 160 pounds. At my heaviest, I was 357.4 pounds. Everything my mom feared finally came true. I was her fat daughter. When I tell you I didn't look at a nutritional label or count a single calorie for years, I'm not lying. When I tell you I'd Doordash or Waiter multiple meals a day, sometimes spending over $100 a day on food, I'm also not lying. When I did start my weight loss journey, I told my trainer, "Food was like a drug for me." While I don't have an addictive personality, in a way, food was my drug. I was putting something that wasn't good for me into my body at quanities that also weren't good for me. And just like any drug, it had an effect on my body. And that effect was bigger than the number on the scale. While my blood work was always fine--likely due to my age--I was not healthy. I would sweat while merely standing to get ready. It was hard for me to breathe while tying my shoes, because all of the fat was pushing against my organs in that hunched over position. I had lower back pain. And while I wasn't unable to live my life--I still worked, I still traveled, I still had fun--feeling the difference of merely living today reminds me of how uncomfortable merely living used to be. When An Old Lie Provides New Motivation In 2022, I was newly divorced, finally settled into my new home, and tired of weight-related comments that were finally justified. What began as an "F U" has ended in a "Thank you." I'm actually thankful for all the hurtful things that were said to me while I was heavier. I'm thankful for the way people treated me. I'm thankful, because if I'd been accepted at my worst, I never would've been motivated to become my best. Maybe that sounds harsh, but it's true. The harshest truth that pushed me over the edge? I knew that the kind of man I desired, the second chance at love I hoped to have one day, would not be possible in my current body. Unlike when I was told that no one would want me when I was a healthy, beautiful teenage girl, I knew that someone would want me as a 360 pound woman. But they wouldn't want me for the right reasons. And the truth is, I knew I wasn't the version of myself that I wanted to be wanted. God had given me a second chance at life and love and I wanted to make the most of it. I wanted my future to be built on my best. And so, the journey began. On September 29, 2022, I began a journey I knew would be years in the making with the hopes that one day, I'd find love again. Nearly, four years later, I can say that I did. But it wasn't the love of a man. It was finally the love of self and the love of exercise--a love that has carried me through unthinkable loss, heartbreak, and will carry me through life in a way a man never could. Change Isn't Pretty or Instant The day I walked into the gym to begin this journey, I had no idea what the next four years would entail. There was a part of me that knew it was possible to lose 150+ pounds, or I wouldn't even have attempted it. There was another part of me that couldn't imagine the day I could say I'd lost 100 pounds, 150 pounds, or the day I could stare at the scale and be like "I did it. I lost all the weight I gained." And yet, here we are. One day at a time. One workout at a time. One meal at a time. My first six months in the gym were mostly bodyweight exercise. My trainer was building strength we couldn't see and getting my body used to moving again. I vividly remember the pain of doing lateral raises for the first time. Why do I feel like I could only do 2 pounds and my arms were on fire? Now, I warm-up for every workout with 10 pound lateral raises. When we transitioned to weight training, that's when things really got interesting. I loved weight training and still do. This was the source of my biggest physical transformation. For all the women out there, don't be afraid of those weights. Don't be afraid of muscle. You actually need it to survive. Having muscle is the difference between living independently when you're 70+ and being in a nursing home. Having muscle is the difference between getting up from the toilet on your own and needing someone to help bathe you. Your muscle is your immune system, and it naturally declines when you hit 30 if you do not train and eat your protein to maintain it. So, if you take one thing from this post... Don't worry about being smaller. Worry about being strong enough to live the life you want. Finally, after years of struggling to lose weight I had the knowledge I needed to do it and do it healthily. Not with running myself into the ground or undereating. But with moderate movement and whole foods. The change wasn't always pretty and it certainly wasn't instant. Even as I sit here today, after the 1383 days, 2 million steps taken, 4000 meals logged, 1000 workouts completed, and 156.9 pounds lost, my body still doesn't reveal all the work I've put in. All the ways I've shown up for myself. And that's the part no one really talks about. I showed up through a broken toe, period cramps, bad body-image days when I still wore the skin-tight leggings. I showed up through sickness, through family illness, death, and tragedy. I showed up through disappointment and heartbreak. I SHOWED UP. And yet, there are days when I'm still treated like a beginner because of the skin that hangs from my lower abdomen, because I'm not skinny or shredded, because my body doesn't fit the image of what people think it should. In that was my biggest lesson. Some people will never fully see you, but it's still important to keep becoming the woman you're proud of. After all these years, I've learned that my presence at the gym was bigger than the workout. I had an appointment with myself. I kept it. And when you start keeping the promises you make to yourself, everything in your life changes. The character you build in the gym carries into every other area of your life, including your relationships. And while I'd hoped to have met my person before the end of this journey, because it would've symbolized that I don't need to be perfect to be loved, I still learned that lesson without the person. When My Weight Was No Longer the Gatekeeper To Love I am ending this journey having lost everything I wanted to, and having gained much more than I originally hoped for. What began as a quest for confidence and love is ending with a love of self and fitness, an understanding of nutrition that empowers me to enjoy food without it controlling me, and a confidence that won't shatter when I'm not chosen. I became the woman I'd always hoped to be. And in many ways, I returned to the girl I once was with the confidence she never had. I love my curves. I love my butt, even though it sometimes draws unwanted attention. I love my strength. I love exercise. I love hip thrusting over 400 pounds. I love going for walks without obsessing over my step count. I love seeing the muscles pop in my arms and chest. I'm not interested in reshaping my body, but revealing the shape God gave me. I still love to enjoy tasty food, and have learned how to fuel my body without giving up flavor. This body--this 200 pound body, just like my 280 pound body, and my 360 pound body--has carried me through more life than I ever could've dreamed of living and we're still just in the beginning. Your worth is not determined by a number on the scale, but your life is determined by how you carry yourself. Tomorrow, I begin a new journey of healing. Having the loose skin removed from my abdomen will feel freeing, a literal weight off my chest. Except not the chest lol. There's a part of me that's excited that my body will no longer alter people's perception of me. But there's also the part of me that knows my body was never the gatekeeper of love. It was just a reflection of my self love or lack of. And now, I'm loving myself enough to choose better, to do better, to move because it's good for me, to eat to fuel the body that carries me miles each day and across the ocean on occasion. I'm so thankful for the version of me that chose to take a chance on reclaiming her future. You did it, girl! You really did it. And now, I will honor your choice with each one that comes next. When I wrote this post it was just to share a part of my story that I haven't before, but as I meditate on it more, I feel this could be the start of a new blog category. Reclaiming my health has allowed me to SHOW UP in my life for myself and others. It's allowed me to become more confident, step into service roles at church, be a role model for others, and even go on a very active mission trip to Greece. Our health is easy for Satan to attack in the culture we live in. We have food at our fingertips and schedules so busy that if we don't make activity a priority, it won't happen at all. And when our body begins to limit us physically, limitations of the mind quickly follow. As Christians, we shouldn't contribute to our own limitations. So, if you'd like to rebuild your temple with some of my favorite exercises and recipes, keep reading. 💌

Welcome back to another month of dedicated reflection on becoming a Proverbs 31 woman. Last month, we discussed the discipline and daily rhythm of a virtuous woman: how she takes care of her home and all those under her care. This month, I want to focus on how she takes care of herself. Because no one can pour from an empty vessel. "She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple." Proverbs 31:22 This verse speaks to caring for her physical vessel. "Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come." Proverbs 31:25 This verse speaks to caring for her emotional and spiritual health. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30 This verse reveals the Lord as the source of her strength and virtuous character. The Proverbs 31 woman is a well-rounded woman. She does not neglect herself, including her physical appearance. But while we see her physical appearance praised in Proverbs 31:22, this verse is quickly followed by her true clothing--strength and honor. Like any piece of clothing, we do not put on strength and honor once and exist in it forever. As the day progresses, our clothes become soiled with sweat, other fluids, germs, and the general filth we encounter by merely existing. When we feel dirty, what's the thing we long for the most? The feeling of being clean again, which usually involves removing the soiled clothes, cleansing our bodies, and putting on a fresh garment. Our minds and hearts become weary as the day passes just as our clothes become dirty. Strength and honor are not only the qualities that clothe the virtuous woman when she is naked. They are the qualities she must put back on day after day. That may sound like a contradiction, but when you understand nakedness is not the same as uncleanness, you may better understand the point. A virtuous woman is not defined by what she wears. She is defined by what she is. She is a woman of strength and honor. But scripture reveals that our strength is fragile and requires daily renewal from the Lord, just as our process of sanctification--the process of becoming holy and virtuous--is a life-long process. "He gives power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increases strength...they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength." Isaiah 40:29-31 "My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever." Psalm 46:1 "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 "Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2 "...and bringing into captvity every thought to the obedience of Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5 A Proverbs 31 woman puts on the garment of strength and honor each day by seeking mental and emotional renewal from the Lord. This is a process you're probably familiar with, but sometimes knowledge of process is not the same as understanding how to apply the process in your own life. HOW TO PUT ON THE GARMENT OF STRENGTH AND HONOR Begin your day with the Lord. Before scrolling, checking texts, responding to emails, or worrying about your to-do list, pray and read your Bible. Even if all you have time for is a single verse, there is renewing power in the Word of God, and the discipline of seeking Him daily. Interrogate your thoughts rather than instantly believing them as truth. The Proverbs 31 woman is a wise woman. Part of being wise is knowing when to discern a lie. God's word reveals what is true as well as how the devil contradicts truth. Hope is the substance of our faith. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1 If the enemy's goal is to destroy our faith, then his strategy is to destroy our hope. When you're facing hopelessness--in any situation--take those thoughts captive and go to the Lord. Allow yourself to rest before reaching collapse. The sabbath is a dedicated time of rest that the Lord gives us for weekly renewal of faith and strength. Keep the sabbath, which honors Him and yourself. Recognize when you need help, whether human help or God help. Part of being wise is knowing our limits, as well as, the One who is limitless. This may look like seeking prayer support, help around the house, or even professional help. Some people think that Christians can't be depressed and should pray their way out of every mental health struggle. But the truth is, the Bible is riddled with examples of people who were not only depressed but suicidal. God stepped into the stories, helping to renew their strength. But it wasn't just God's presence that did this. In the instance of Elijah in 1 Kings 19, God sent an angel with food, water, and permission to sleep to the suicidal prophet. In today's world, sometimes those angels wear lab coats and the nourishment we need is a medication. There is no shame in seeking help for any illness. Keep the Lord's commandments, which lead us to walk in honor. Seek the strength of the Holy Spirit to help you do so, because true honor is beyond human strength. Other practical practices may include: journal your feelings and prayers to God find a form of healthy emotional expression and regulation: painting, exercise, writing, time with friends keep a list of scriptures on your phone that contradict the thoughts you are most tormented by have self-care routines that help you feel your best: massages, walks outside, reading, getting your hair or nails done, one extra long shower or bubble bath each week recognize the signs that you're struggling or on the verge of a breaking point and have a plan you can quickly enact to pull yourself off the brink of hopelessness: pray, call a friend. You do not have to do this alone. How you steward your inner life directly impacts how you steward your external life. A Proverbs 31 woman relies on the Lord and her Christian support system to help her steward both with love, wisdom, strength, and honor.

"She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:27 Welcome to the fourth month of our becoming journey. In last month's Project 31 post, we learned how a virtuous woman works: diligently, willingly, humbly, and honorably. This month, we will unpack another trait of the Proverbs 31 woman: discipline and daily rhythm. How is daily rhythm different from work? In today's society, our daily ryhthm is usually centered around work or our children's schedules. Our waking, our coming and going, are all dictated by this schedule we keep. The Proverbs 31 woman wasn't so different. She worked. She cared for her children. She tended to her household and husband. She even cared for the less fortunate. She did it all, but how? Discipline and daily rhythm speaks to how a woman manages her life, her household, and herself. A virtuous woman is not just defined by what she does, but how she does it. Proverbs 31 depicts a woman who rises early to care and provide for those under her roof, not just her children but also her servants (Proverbs 31:15). This action reveals these qualities: A loving and generous heart Thoughtful time management skills Pride in provision She takes pride in caring for her home and family. It's not just a responsibility but an act of love. It is that love that allows her to remain diligent instead of distant. Think of your own relationship with God. What keeps you obedient to Him? What keeps you showing up in faithfulness to Him? Is it responsibility or is it love? I'm sure there are days when it is pure discipline to remain faithful, but I'm also sure--most days--your choice to follow Jesus is born of love. Both love and discipline are required to keep the rhythm of a virtuous woman. But this love and discipline is not only directed toward others. The Proverbs 31 woman also takes time for herself to ensure she is able to fulfill her responsibilities at home. "She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms." Proverbs 31:17 Note strength is mentioned twice here. I'd like to think the first strength she seeks is from the Lord. His strength is the internal perseverance we all need to show up in our lives. The second strength is the literal physicality needed to be our best for ourselves and those around us. Many look at the Proverbs 31 woman as a woman of service, constantly working and tending to others. I see her as a woman of balance. Balance is necessary to become the woman who does it all, because no one can do it all on a single day. God sets the example of balance, of task organization, time management, and rest when He created the world. God modeled the rhythm of virtue. Proverbs 31 is the portrait of a virtuous woman. The thing about portraits is, they take a while to finish. They are painted on canvas and the time to completion may span days or years depending on the size. As you become the virtuous woman God has called you to be, remember that He has not called you to become her in one day after reading one blog post or one scripture that depicts the air quotes "perfect" woman. Our God is a God of balance and of rest. He values small acts of daily faithfulness over dramatic attempts at perfection. This daily faithfulness as you care for your home and those inside it may look like: making breakfast or lunches for the ones you love having a special Sunday meal once a week creating small routines that help you (and others) maintain the home priming your heart for acts of love with daily scripture reading reframing responsibility in your mind as an act of love and stewardship checking in emotionally with those closest to you For me, I love taking care of my home. Not because I love every task (ahem, cleaning the shower), but because I'm so grateful for a safe, cozy place to live. And also, cleaning and caring for a home is a type of ownership, stewardship. It makes me feel more connected to what is mine. The same can be said when you show up for your husband, your children, your neighbors, your co-workers. When you show up you're saying, "This is mine. I'm going to take care of it." Or a more stewardly way would be to say, "This is mine to take care of." Taking care of what's yours is an act of worship and holy stewardship. That is the mindset of the virtuous woman, the heart behind the action. With that said, our daily rhythm and discipline may look different in different seasons. I'm currently in a season where it's more difficult for me to show up physically for my home and those around me. The love remains, but it shows up in smaller ways. It looks like doing what I can, but caring for myself enough to know that my recovery is the most important stewardship. Do not feel guilty if your best looks different from day to day. But having certain routines or rhythms will keep you grounded and disciplined even when you're not feeling your best. A virtuous woman understands emotional needs and physical needs. She models this understanding in the way she stewards her own body with spiritual strength (emotional need) and literal strength (physical need). As such, her rhythm is not just about being in tune with herself and home, but it's also about being in step with those under her care. The way she shows up for them is more than physical. It's emotional. She watches over all the ways of her household--what is coming in, what is going out, what is influencing those around her, how those around her are feeling. I'm sure I could keep going. This is where starting your day with God, building your spiritual strength, becomes the most important part of your daily rhythm. God equips you to love those around you. God equips you to serve those around you. God equips you to love and care for yourself. God equips you for wise stewardship and gives you things and people to steward. A virtuous woman is a disciplined, wise, and loving steward of all under her care. ***Visit the main blog page, scroll to the bottom, and subscribe to be notifed when a new post like this one goes live.